My Job Gave Me a Poncho (Featuring Brian Graupner)

My job gave me a poncho
My job gave me a poncho
A thoughtful token of esteem come straight from our head honcho
My job gave me a poncho
A corporate-branded poncho
What a great way for a company to tell you that they wantcho

IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A GODDAMNED ECO-FRIENDLY PONCHO!
IT'S WATER-RESISTANT AND IT SNAPS AT THE NECK!
IT'S GOT A ROOMY HOOD AND ITS STYLIN' AS HECK!

I work twelve hours every day
And sacrifice enjoyment
I don't get paid for overtime
It's salaried employment
But they promised they'd reward me
For serving them so good
And what says "thank you" better
Than a trash bag with a hood?

IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A ONE-SIZE-FITS-MOST-ADULTS PONCHO!
IT COMES IN A SPORTY BAG THAT'S MESH LIKE A NET!
MADE OF EVA FABRIC TO PROTECT ME FROM WET!

What did I do to deserve a garment so divine?
Such еxquisite finery I can't beliеve it's mine
The logo of my company emblazoned on the right
But still close to my heart as I slave on into the night

Wrap it around me when the cold winds start to blow
Just like a big warm hug straight from our CEO
I thought maybe I'd just get y'know a pay raise or whatever
But money comes and money goes - PONCHOS ARE FOREVER!

I cancelled my vacation to
Meet arbitrary end dates
I sat through every training vid
Read every company mandate
I signed away my patent rights
For every innovation
But now I'm moderately shielded
From light precipitation

WITH MY PONCHO! IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A COMPACT UNISEX PONCHO!
WITH THIS RAIN-RESISTANT THANK YOU NOTE DRAPED OVER ME
I LOOK LIKE THOSE THINGS FROM JOURNEY ON THE PLAYSTATION 3!

BUT IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A BULK-PURCHASED CORPORATE BRANDED PONCHO!
THOUGH IT'S NOT HEALTH INSURANCE OR A 401k
I'VE GOT "RECIPIENT OF PONCHO" ON MY RESUME!