MEntality

[Verse 1: J O S H U A]
Well my mind is floatin’ I’m hopin’ to sleep
My eyes are open not closin’, I see
A little boy
As brittle as brittle can be
A teddy bear holdin’ a portrait he’s fiddlin’ free
And teddy was his first that night
Weighed in on the kid’s heart
He said it didn’t feel right
But somehow he couldn’t stop
It was a real fight
Teddy gave the young boy a new appetite
Flash forward now the kid’s addicted
A young man so you know Teddy got evicted
Unapologetic for the present pain that he inflicted
And the little boy is pissed that he never predicted
Sunday Pastor talked on sin
He was really descriptive
The kid feels like the froward fools that the Bible depicted
Pastor preached on sinful lusts
He said they were addictive
But the kid had fell in love and his heart was afflicted
Sick of being torn
He turned to porn
How can you scorn the unphysical?
Everything his momma warned him of
He cut the umbilical cord (Oh Lord)
It’s got a hold of his brain
He can’t reserve or refrain
He’s kinda numb to pain; novocaine
No! “Again…” No! “Again…”
“Come on you can go again
All those years of practice
Man it’s time you got to show a friend
Where your mind has been
Show her your perfected sin
And all the messed up mess your time has been invested in”
Man, this kid is tangled deep
And why he always gotta bother me when I’m asleep?
I try to tell myself it’s make-believe
But this is not a dream
My mind I can’t deceive
I can’t receive these blessings with this guilt that’s deep inside of me
But...
They keep on
I can’t fall asleep I’m stuck in this mentality
But…
I keep on

[Chorus: zyyn]
I keep denying you
Tryna stay off my knees
I’m self inflicting this victim
But I’m crying please
I’m dying I’m dying
I can’t shake this mentality…
Mentality… mentality...

[Verse 2: J O S H U A]
Ya... Uh...
I’m losing myself
I’m losing myself
I’m losing my sleep
Abusing my health
My mind is too deep
I think I need help
I think I’m in Hell
I think I should yell
Am I dozin’ off?
I’m too numb to tell
And am I really conscious if I’m under a spell?
These spirits sound familiar
They’re ringing a bell (ding)
My body’s been in prison and my mind is a cell
Excuses, excuses, whatever’s conducive
It’s common this problem was never exclusive
He tried to pick me up but I’m too elusive
He tried to pull me in but I’m too reclusive
Ah this is so abusive
But I chose to stay
And I'd say "try again tomorrow I'm tired today
Spare me the comfort, I’m doing okay”
But now I'm laying in a coffin
Wide awake and afraid
So I examined my humanity
Magnified my mentality
I’ve been reaching for the moon
So I’m defying gravity
Practically an alchemy with agony
Confused by my depravity
I’m losing my sanity
Without gravity managing me
As you can see it’s a catastrophe
I’m led to my calamity
And almost all alacrity's been forfeited to malady
I failed to fill the cavity
In fact, I’m filled with vanity
I floated to neutrality
Forgot my Christianity
A portion of pain
Distorting my name
I’m courting with shame
According to fame
I’m going insane
I’m flowing like Twain
I’m sowing like Cain
I’m showing my strain
I’m cold in my veins
I’m throwing the reins
I’m going under I can finally sleep
I got a weak heartbeat
And I’m five feet deep
Now listen closely 'cause this word is vital
A me mentality is suicidal (suicidal)

[Chorus: zyyn]
I keep denying you
Tryna stay off my knees
I’m self inflicting this victim
But I’m crying please
I’m dying I’m dying
I can’t shake this mentality…
Mentality… mentality...

I keep denying you
Tryna stay off my knees
I’m self inflicting this victim
But I’m crying please
I’m dying I’m dying
I can’t shake this mentality…
Mentality… mentality...

[Bridge: zyyn and J O S H U A]
Hold on
Hold on
So gone
So gone
How’d I get here?
What happened to the kid on the photo on the teddy bear?
(So close to dying)
Man.. he was going places…
Kid was going places...
(So close
So close
So close)

[Outro: zyyn]
Hold on
Hold on
So gone
So gone
So close to dying
So close
So close
So close
So...