Medicine

Your father’s cabin
Your mother’s strength
Your brother’s sense of self
All those years in high school wishing you were somebody else
All the secrets told in a haunted house with ghosts you’ve learned to trust
I am letting go of me and becoming us

That song that made you cry in the car on the drive to Delaware
The anger that you feel when people stare
I’m becoming OK with giving you a piece of my control
A new kind of shared autonomy for you and me
I will help you breathe

I will not deny that I, that I need you in my life
Would you say it?
Just say it. “So do I.”
And you can be the pills that help me sleep
I’ll be the medicine that keeps you awake
I’ll keep you awake

I float through it all without ever knowing what being here is about
But when you’re around, it feels like I figured it out
Some nights you will need to sleep alone and that’s alright
Is it alright if that’s not tonight?

I will not deny that I, that I need you in my life
Would you say it?
Just say it. “So do I.”
And you can be the pills that help me sleep
I’ll be the medicine that keeps you awake
I’ll keep you awake