MAMA

Mama, you were right about me running from my youth
Growing up too fast
Wish I'd heard the truth in your words
Before I dipped and I swerved
I probably hit a few curbs, acted a little absurd
But all I wanted was to grow up
And still I feel the same
Opportunities that went before they even came
All those freaking drugs put a shadow on my brain
But a smile on my face
For a moment
I’ve been sober since January, but this is still very scary
The paranoia I face with the future
I'm very wary
My parents carried my burdens for years
You shed a couple of tears
So how I'm mad when you’re expressing your fears?
Your son's growing up
He wishes he wasn't
He still gets a little scared to walk about in public
Sometimes he doesn't care and feels like no more than a puppet
To a system designed to steady press and rewind to past tense
Was mentally absent and I'm still not past it
And I find no consolation in a pastor or the pragmatic
I passed up a passion just to prance through plains of madness over nothing
And that's it
What a waste
What a broken boy with a beautiful face
And I wonder if you still see me in ways that you did before I changed
I couldn't blame you but, mama
I'm still the same kid
I’m still the same kid, you raised him
Taught him how to walk and you would praise his
Creativity, he hasn’t changed, but his mind's a little bigger
For better or for worse I’m growing up
And I wish I wasn't
And I hope you know that all I feel is love for you and trusting
I'm almost 18 but I still feel like a child
Eyes wide looking upward
But I must
Grow up