Lysistrata (Section 4)

OLD MEN.
All men who call your loins your own, awake at last, arise
And strip to stand in readiness. For as it seems to me
Some more perilous offensive in their heads they now devise.
I'm sure a Tyranny
Like that of Hippias
In this I detect....
They mean to put us under
Themselves I suspect,
And that Laconians assembling
At Cleisthenes' house have played
A trick-of-war and provoked them
Madly to raid
The Treasury, in which term I include
The Pay for my food.

For is it not preposterous
They should talk this way to us
On a subject such as battle!

And, women as they are, about bronze bucklers dare prattle--
Make alliance with the Spartans--people I for one
Like very hungry wolves would always most sincere shun....
Some dirty game is up their sleeve,
I believe.
A Tyranny, no doubt... but they won't catch me, that know.
Henceforth on my guard I'll go,
A sword with myrtle-branches wreathed for ever in my hand,
And under arms in the
Public Place I'll take my watchful stand,
Shoulder to shoulder with
Aristogeiton. Now my staff I'll draw
And start at once by knocking that shocking
Hag upon the jaw.

WOMEN.
Your own mother will not know you when you get back to the town.
But first, my friends and allies, let us lay these garments down,
And all ye fellow-citizens, hark to me while I tell
What will aid Athens well.
Just as is right, for I
Have been a sharer
In all the lavish splendour
Of the proud city.
I bore the holy vessels
At seven, then
I pounded barley
At the age of ten,
And clad in yellow robes,
Soon after this,
I was Little Bear to
Brauronian Artemis;
Then neckletted with figs,
Grown tall and pretty,
I was a Basket-bearer,
And so it's obvious I should
Give you advice that I think good,
The very best I can.
It should not prejudice my voice that I'm not born a man,
If I say something advantageous to the present situation.
For I'm taxed too, and as a toll provide men for the nation
While, miserable greybeards, you,
It is true,
Contribute nothing of any importance whatever to our needs;
But the treasure raised against the Medes
You've squandered, and do nothing in return, save that you make
Our lives and persons hazardous by some imbecile mistakes
What can you answer?
Now be careful, don't arouse my spite,
Or with my slipper I'll take you napping, faces slapping
Left and right.

MEN.
What villainies they contrive!
Come, let vengeance fall,
You that below the waist are still alive,
Off with your tunics at my call--
Naked, all.
For a man must strip to battle like a man.
No quaking, brave steps taking, careless what's ahead, white shoed, in the nude, onward bold,
All ye who garrisoned Leipsidrion of old....
Let each one wag
As youthfully as he can,
And if he has the cause at heart
Rise at least a span.

We must take a stand and keep to it,
For if we yield the smallest bit
To their importunity.
Then nowhere from their inroads will be left to us immunity.
But they'll be building ships and soon their navies will attack us,
As Artemisia did, and seek to fight us and to sack us.
And if they mount, the Knights they'll rob
Of a job,
For everyone knows how talented they all are in the saddle,
Having long practised how to straddle;
No matter how they're jogged there up and down, they're never thrown.
Then think of Myron's painting, and each
horse-backed Amazon
In combat hand-to-hand with men.... Come, on these women fall,
And in pierced wood-collars let's stick quick
The necks of one and all.

WOMEN.
Don't cross me or I'll loose
The Beast that's kennelled here....
And soon you will be howling for a truce,
Howling out with fear.
But my dear,
Strip also, that women may battle unhindered....
But you, you'll be too sore to eat garlic more, or one black bean,
I really mean, so great's my spleen, to kick you black and blue
With these my dangerous legs.
I'll hatch the lot of you,
If my rage you dash on,
The way the relentless Beetle
Hatched the Eagle's eggs.

Scornfully aside I set
Every silly old-man threat
While Lampito's with me.
Or dear Ismenia, the noble Theban girl. Then let decree
Be hotly piled upon decree; in vain will be your labours,
You futile rogue abominated by your suffering neighbour
To Hecate's feast I yesterday went.
Off I sent
To our neighbours in Boeotia, asking as a gift to me
For them to pack immediately
That darling dainty thing ... a good fat eel I meant of course;

But they refused because some idiotic old decree's in force.
O this strange passion for decrees nothing on earth can check,
Till someone puts a foot out tripping you, and slipping you
Break your neck.

LYSISTRATA enters in dismay.

WOMEN
Dear Mistress of our martial enterprise,
Why do you come with sorrow in your eyes?

LYSISTRATA
O 'tis our naughty femininity,
So weak in one spot, that hath saddened me.

WOMEN
What's this? Please speak.

LYSISTRATA
Poor women, O so weak!

WOMEN
What can it be? Surely your friends may know.

LYSISTRATA
Yea, I must speak it though it hurt me so.

WOMEN
Speak; can we help? Don't stand there mute in need.

LYSISTRATA
I'll blurt it out then--our women's army's mutinied.

WOMEN
O Zeus!

LYSISTRATA
What use is Zeus to our anatomy?
Here is the gaping calamity I meant:
I cannot shut their ravenous appetites
A moment more now. They are all deserting.
The first I caught was sidling through the postern
Close by the Cave of Pan: the next hoisting herself
With rope and pulley down: a third on the point
Of slipping past: while a fourth malcontent, seated
For instant flight to visit Orsilochus
On bird-back, I dragged off by the hair in time....
They are all snatching excuses to sneak home.
Look, there goes one.... Hey, what's the hurry?

1ST WOMAN
I must get home. I've some Milesian wool
Packed wasting away, and
moths are pushing through it.

LYSISTRATA
Fine moths indeed, I know. Get back within.

1ST WOMAN
By the Goddesses, I'll return instantly.
I only want to stretch it on my bed.

LYSISTRATA
You shall stretch nothing and go nowhere either.

1ST WOMAN
Must I never use my wool then?

LYSISTRATA
If needs be.

2ND WOMAN
How unfortunate I am! O my poor flax!
It's left at home unstript.

LYSISTRATA
So here's another
That wishes to go home and strip her flax.
Inside again!

2ND WOMAN
No, by the Goddess of Light,
I'll be back as soon as I have flayed it properly.

LYSISTRATA
You'll not flay anything. For if you begin
There'll not be one here but has a patch to be flayed.

3RD WOMAN
O holy Eilithyia, stay this birth
Till I have left the precincts of the place!

LYSISTRATA
What nonsense is this?

3RD WOMAN
I'll drop it any minute.

LYSISTRATA
Yesterday you weren't with child.

3RD WOMAN
But I am today.
O let me find a midwife, Lysistrata.
O quickly!

LYSISTRATA
Now what story is this you tell?
What is this hard lump here?

3RD WOMAN
It's a male child.

LYSISTRATA
Aphrodite, it isn't. Your belly's hollow,
And it has the feel of metal.... Well, I soon can see.
You hussy, it's Athene's sacred helm,
And you said you were with child.

3RD WOMAN
And so I am.

LYSISTRATA
Then why the helm?

3RD WOMAN
So if the throes should take me
Still in these grounds I could use it like a dove
As a laying-nest in which to drop the child.

LYSISTRATA
More pretexts! You can't hide your clear intent,
And anyway why not wait till the tenth day
Meditating a brazen name for your brass brat?

WOMAN
And I can't sleep a wink. My nerve is gone
Since I saw that snake-sentinel of the shrine.

WOMAN
And all those dreadful owls with their weird hooting!
Though I'm wearied out, I can't close an eye.

LYSISTRATA
You wicked women, cease from juggling lies.
You want your men. But what of them as well?
They toss as sleepless in the lonely night,
I'm sure of it. Hold out awhile, hold out,
But persevere a teeny-weeny longer.
An oracle has promised Victory
If we don't wrangle. Would you hear the words?

WOMEN
Yes, yes, what is it?

LYSISTRATA
Silence then, you chatterboxes.
Here--
Whenas the swallows flocking in one place from the hoopoes
Deny themselves love's gambols any more,
All woes shall then have ending and great Zeus the Thunderer
Shall put above what was below before.

WOMEN
Will the men then always be kept under us?

LYSISTRATA
But if the swallows squabble among themselves and fly away
Out of the temple, refusing to agree,
Then The Most Wanton
Birds in all the World
They shall be named for ever. That's his decree.

WOMAN
It's obvious what it means.

LYSISTRATA
Now by all the gods
We must let no agony deter from duty,
Back to your quarters. For we are base indeed,
My friends, if we betray the oracle.

She goes out.

OLD MEN.
I'd like to remind you of a fable they used to employ,
When I was a little boy:
How once through fear of the marriage-bed a young man,
Melanion by name, to the wilderness ran,
And there on the hills he dwelt.
For hares he wove a net
Which with his dog he set--
Most likely he's there yet.
For he never came back home, so great was the fear he felt.
I loathe the sex as much as he,
And therefore
I no less shall be
As chaste as was Melanion.

MAN
Grann'am, do you much mind men?

WOMAN
Onions you won't need, to cry.

MAN
From my foot you shan't escape.

WOMAN
What thick forests I espy.

MEN
So much Myronides' fierce beard
And thundering black back were feared,
That the foe fled when they were shown--
Brave he as
Phormion.

WOMEN.
Well, I'll relate a rival fable just to show to you
A different point of view:
There was a rough-hewn fellow, Timon, with a face
That glowered as through a thorn-bush in a wild, bleak place.
He too decided on flight,
This very Furies' son,
All the world's ways to shun
And hide from everyone,
Spitting out curses on all knavish men to left and right.
But though he reared this hate for men,
He loved the women even then,
And never thought them enemies.

WOMAN
O your jaw I'd like to break.

MAN
That I fear do you suppose?

WOMAN
Learn what kicks my legs can make.

MAN
Raise them up, and you'll expose--

WOMAN
Nay, you'll see there, I engage,
All is well kept despite my age,
And tended smooth enough to slip
From any adversary's grip.

LYSISTRATA appears.

LYSISTRATA
Hollo there, hasten hither to me
Skip fast along.

WOMAN
What is this? Why the noise?

LYSISTRATA
A man, a man! I spy a frenzied man!
He carries Love upon him like a staff.
O Lady of Cyprus, and Cythera, and Paphos,
I beseech you, keep our minds and hands to the oath.

WOMAN
Where is he, whoever he is?

LYSISTRATA
By the Temple of Chloe.

WOMAN
Yes, now I see him, but who can he be?

LYSISTRATA
Look at him. Does anyone recognise his face?

MYRRHINE
I do. He is my husband, Cinesias.

LYSISTRATA
You know how to work. Play with him, lead him on,
Seduce him to the cozening-point--kiss him, kiss him,
Then slip your mouth aside just as he's sure of it,
Ungirdle every caress his mouth feels at
Save that the oath upon the bowl has locked.

MYRRHINE
You can rely on me.

LYSISTRATA
I'll stay here to help
In working up his ardor to its height
Of vain magnificence.... The rest to their quarters.

Enter CINESIAS.

Who is this that stands within our lines?

CINESIAS
I.

LYSISTRATA
A man?

CINESIAS
Too much a man!

LYSISTRATA
Then be off at once.

CINESIAS
Who are you that thus eject me?

LYSISTRATA
Guard for the day.

CINESIAS
By all the gods, then call Myrrhine hither.

LYSISTRATA
So, call Myrrhine hither! Who are you?

CINESIAS
I am her husband Cinesias, son of Anthros.

LYSISTRATA
Welcome, dear friend! That glorious name of yours
Is quite familiar in our ranks. Your wife
Continually has it in her mouth.
She cannot touch an apple or an egg
But she must say, "This to Cinesias!"

CINESIAS
O is that true?

LYSISTRATA
By Aphrodite, it is.
If the conversation strikes on men, your wife
Cuts in with, "All are boobies by Cinesias."

CINESIAS
Then call her here.

LYSISTRATA
And what am I to get?

CINESIAS
This, if you want it.... See, what I have here.
But not to take away.

LYSISTRATA
Then I'll call her.

CINESIAS
Be quick, be quick. All grace is wiped from life
Since she went away.
O sad, sad am I
When there I enter on that loneliness,
And wine is unvintaged of the sun's flavour.
And food is tasteless. But I've put on weight.

MYRRHINE (above)

I love him O so much! but he won't have it.
Don't call me down to him.

CINESIAS
Sweet little Myrrhine!
What do you mean? Come here.

MYRRHINE
O no I won't.
Why are you calling me? You don't want me.

CINESIAS
Not want you! with this week-old strength of love.

MYRRHINE
Farewell.

CINESIAS
Don't go, please don't go, Myrrhine.
At least you'll hear our child.
Call your mother, lad.

CHILD
Mummy ... mummy ... mummy!

CINESIAS
There now, don't you feel pity for the child?
He's not been fed or washed now for six days.

MYRRHINE
I certainly pity him with so heartless a father.

CINESIAS
Come down, my sweetest, come for the child's sake.

MYRRHINE
A trying life it is to be a mother!
I suppose I'd better go.
She comes down.

CINESIAS
How much younger she looks,
How fresher and how prettier! Myrrhine,
Lift up your lovely face, your disdainful face;
And your ankle ...
let your scorn step out its worst;
It only rubs me to more ardor here.

MYRRHINE (playing with the child)
You're as innocent as he's iniquitous.
Let me kiss you, honey-petting, mother's darling.

CINESIAS
How wrong to follow other women's counsel
And let loose all these throbbing voids in yourself
As well as in me. Don't you go throb-throb?

MYRRHINE
Take away your hands.

CINESIAS
Everything in the house
Is being ruined.

MYRRHINE
I don't care at all.

CINESIAS
The roosters are picking all your web to rags.
Do you mind that?

MYRRHINE
Not I.

CINESIAS
What time we've wasted
We might have drenched with Paphian laughter, flung
On Aphrodite's Mysteries. O come here.

MYRRHINE
Not till a treaty finishes the war.

CINESIAS
If you must have it, then we'll get it done.

MYRRHINE
Do it and I'll come home. Till then I am bound.

CINESIAS
Well, can't your oath perhaps be got around?

MYRRHINE
No ... no ... still I'll not say that I don't love you

CINESIAS
You love me! Then dear girl, let me also love you.

MYRRHINE
You must be joking. The boy's looking on.

CINESIAS
Here, Manes, take the child home!... There, he's gone.
There's nothing in the way now. Come to the point.

MYRRHINE
Here in the open! In plain sight?

CINESIAS
In Pan's cave.
A splendid place.

MYRRHINE
Where shall I dress my hair again
Before returning to the citadel?

CINESIAS
You can easily primp yourself in the Clepsydra.

MYRRHINE
But how can I break my oath?

CINESIAS
Leave that to me,
I'll take all risk.

MYRRHINE
Well, I'll make you comfortable.

CINESIAS
Don't worry. I'd as soon lie on the grass.

MYRRHINE
No, by Apollo, in spite of all your faults
I won't have you lying on the nasty earth.
(From here MYRRHINE keeps on going off to fetch things.)

CINESIAS
Ah, how she loves me.

MYRRHINE
Rest there on the bench,
While I arrange my clothes. O what a nuisance,
I must find some cushions first.

CINESIAS
Why some cushions?
Please don't get them!

MYRRHINE
What? The plain, hard wood?
Never, by Artemis! That would be too vulgar.

CINESIAS
Open your arms!

MYRRHINE
No. Wait a second.

CINESIAS
O....
Then hurry back again.

MYRRHINE
Here the cushions are.
Lie down while I--O dear! But what a shame,
You need more pillows.

CINESIAS
I don't want them, dear.

MYRRHINE
But I do.

CINESIAS
Thwarted affection mine,
They treat you just like Heracles at a feast
With cheats of dainties, O disappointing arms!

MYRRHINE
Raise up your head.

CINESIAS
There, that's everything at last.

MYRRHINE
Yes, all.

CINESIAS
Then run to my arms, you golden girl.

MYRRHINE
I'm loosening my girdle now. But you've not forgotten?
You're not deceiving me about the Treaty?

CINESIAS
No, by my life, I'm not.

MYRRHINE
Why, you've no blanket.

CINESIAS
It's not the silly blanket's warmth but yours I want.

MYRRHINE
Never mind. You'll soon have both. I'll come straight back.

CINESIAS
The woman will choke me with her coverlets.

MYRRHINE
Get up a moment.

CINESIAS
I'm up high enough.

MYRRHINE
Would you like me to perfume you?

CINESIAS
By Apollo, no!

MYRRHINE
By Aphrodite, I'll do it anyway.

CINESIAS
Lord Zeus, may she soon use up all the myrrh.

MYRRHINE
Stretch out your hand. Take it and rub it in.

CINESIAS
Hmm, it's not as fragrant as might be; that is,
Not before it's smeared. It doesn't smell of kisses.

MYRRHINE
How silly I am: I've brought you Rhodian scents.

CINESIAS
It's good enough, leave it, love.

MYRRHINE
You must be jesting.

CINESIAS
Plague rack the man who first compounded scent!

MYRRHINE
Here, take this flask.

CINESIAS
I've a far better one.
Don't tease me, come here, and get nothing more.

MYRRHINE
I'm coming.... I'm just drawing off my shoes....
You're sure you will vote for Peace?

CINESIAS
I'll think about it.
She runs off.
I'm dead: the woman's worn me all away.
She's gone and left me with an anguished pulse.