Je M’appelle J. Cousteau

[Verse 1]
I was there at the cattle fair
Where lump fairies swear at glories
Far beyond the fabric that she wears
He said "Do ya want a chair?"
I'd join him anywhere
A hole in the ground
In this theater I found
Jack C.'s infernal horde
They caper, they banter
Forming human pyramids
All to please
Their infernal Lord

[Chorus]
Ohh-whoa-whoa!
His name is Jacques Cousteau
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
Above sea and below, I know
I know you know
And there he goes
And there he goes
He goes and grows
And there he goes
Aboard the Calypso!

[Verse 2]
The foam beside, and a burly sea to ride
All spell goodness for the master
Of the whirling pimple tides
He tried and fried until the rusted hinges sighed
And then he stepped inside!
He found her there
Swimming in her seaweed hair
Looking vaguely like a lover who had
Hung herself with underwear
Phosphorescent green and the sex-act made obscene
In Jacques' galleon of hatred
This wrinkled Frenchman is a living god!

[Chorus]
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
His name is Jacques Cousteau
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
Above sea and below, you know
I know you know
I know you know
Hey, there he goes
He goes and grows
Oh gosh, he knows
Aboard the Calypso!

Cousteau, you know
Where the dying dolphins go
And the wasteland ever growing
Never slowing 'til it's far below
Put it on your TV show
And let the humans know!

[Spoken]
My son, Pierre, diving through the icy waters of the North Atlantic. Searching, searching. He found death. Torn to pieces by rabid penguins