It’s a Hit!

[JOE]
Listen to that!
Will you listen to that!

[FRANK]
Do you know what that means?
Let me tell you what that means—
Wait, no—
Anyone who even thinks it
Don't say it
You'll jinx it...

[CHARLEY]
Listen to that!

[JOE]
Did you listen to that?

[FRANK]
Does that make you feel proud?
Well, feel more than just proud—
Okay, wait
I'll tempt fate
And I'll state it out loud
That's the sound of a—

Hit!
It's a hit!
Gang, I think this is it!
No more writing clever little shows
For those basement saloons
No more proclamations from the pros
That you "can't hum the tunes"—

[CHARLEY]
No more sneaking in at intermission
To the plays you wish you could afford—

[MARY]
Or producers having you audition
Whenever they're bored—

[CHARLEY]
And who say right away
As you play thе first chord:

(spoken)
"Boys, boys, it's very—what is the word?—intеresting. And if I had even the slightest belief any audiences would come, I would do it in a minute. Next!"

[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
We're a hit!
We're a hit!

[JOE]
Standing up—
The whole bit!

[FRANK]
No more coaching those sopranos
With voices like bees—

[CHARLEY]
No more secondhand pianos
With six broken keys—

[MARY]
No more agents giving you opinions
As they turn you over to their minions—

[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
Just for these
Guarantees
We should please
Thank the Lord!

It's a hit!
It's a hit!

[BETH]
Will my folks have a fit!
After all of that baloney
They made me go through
All that, "Honey, not that he's a phony
But what does he do?"
Will their faces be stony
When they see on their Sony
Someone handing the phony
A Tony Award!

[FRANK, spoken]
Oh! I would like to begin by thanking all of the hundreds of people who have turned down every show I have ever written so that I could win tonight for this one. Thank you!

(sung)
Listen to that!
Will you listen to that?
Tell me
Is that a noise
Or is that a noise?
That is a noise
We've been waiting
The whole of our lives to hear!

[BETH, FRANK]
Listen to that! (Listen to that!)
Will you listen to that? (Listen to that!)
Honey, is that a noise (I can't)
Or is that a noise? (Stand it!)
That is the loveliest noise
For a bread-winning wife to hear!

[MARY, JOE]
Listen to that!
That's obscene! (Will you listen to that!)

[BETH & FRANK, JOE]
Listen to that! (Fellas)

[MARY, CHARLEY & JOE]
That is a noise
That is really a noise!

[FRANK, BETH, MARY & CHARLEY]
That is the noise I've been I can't LIsten to that!
Waiting my life to hear! Stand it Will you listen to that!

[JOE, BETH, MARY & CHARLEY, FRANK]
I can't stand it Did you listen to that? Golly, I can't Listen to that
Will you Listen to that, will you

[FRANK, CHARLEY, BETH & JOE, MARY]
Listen to that! Stand it!

[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
Will you listen to that!
That's the sound of an audience
Losing its mind!
It's the Pope on his balcony
Blessing mankind!

[JOE]
Folks, it's Funny Girl, Fiddler
And Dolly combined!

[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
It's a hit!
It's a hit!
It's a palpable hit!

[FRANK & CHARLEY]
If it only even runs a minute
At least it's a wedge
It's the theater and we're really in it
Not just on the edge!

[JOE]
If your spirits ever need improving
You can drop in any night for free!

[FRANK]
But the thing that's positively moving—

[CHARLEY]
You could have fooled me—

[FRANK & CHARLEY]
—Is we're still old friends!
Nothing can kill old friends!

[FRANK, CHARLEY & MARY]
Where there's a will, old friends
Don't need success to survive!

[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY & BETH]
And us, old friends
What's to discuss, old friends?

[FRANK, CHARLEY, MARY, BETH & JOE]
We've got a surefire genuine
Walk-away blockbuster
Lines down to Broadway
Boffola sensational
Box office lalapalooza gargantuan—

Hit!
It's a hit!
It's a hit!
It's a hit!
It's a hit!
It's a hit!