Franklin Shepard, Inc.

[KT, spoken]
Now how do you two work together?

[CHARLEY, spoken]
Oh, may I answer that? How do we work together? Sure. He goes—

[Mimes piano playing.]

And I go—

[Mimes typing.]

(sung)
And soon we're humming along—
Hmm-hmm-hmm
And that’s called writing a song—
Hmm-hmm-hmm
Then he goes—

[Mimes piano playing.]

And I go—

[Mimes typing.]

And the phone goes drrrring!

And he goes—
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter, yes Jerome
Mutter, no Jerome
Mutter mutter mutter mutter"
—That's his lawyer, Jerome—
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter, do it Jеrome"

Click
"Sorry, Charley…"

[Mimes piano playing.]

So I go—

[Mimes typing.]

And he goеs—

[Mimes piano playing.]

And I go—

[Mimes typing.]

And soon we're tapping away—
Hmm-hmm-hmm

Bzzz!
"Sorry, Charley…"
Bzzz!
—It’s the secretary—
Bzzz!
—On the intercom—
"Yes, Miss Bzzz?"
"It's a messenger…"
"Thanks, Miss Bzzz
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you order the car?
Will you call up the bank?
Will you wire the coast?
Will you— "

Drrrring!
"Sorry, Charley—"
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter, sell the stock
Mutter, buy the rights
Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter"
Bzzz!
"Let me put you on hold…"
Bzzz!
"Yes, Miss Bzzz"
"It's the interview…"
"Thanks, Miss Bzzz
Will you tell him to wait?
Will you wire the car?
Will you order the coast?
Will you send up the bank?"

And the telephones blink
And the stocks get sold
And the rest of us he keeps on hold
And he's into making movies
And he's now a corporation
Right

So I play at home
With my wife and kids
And I wait to hear the movie bids
And I've got a little sailboat
And I'm into meditation
Right

He flies off to California
I discuss him with my shrink
That's the story of the way we work
Me and Franklin Shepard, Inc.

(spoken)
Haha, I am beginning to enjoy this. I promise to be honest if you promise to handle the lawsuit.

[KT, spoken]
Now Frank, when you do work together, I’ve always been curious. Which generally comes first—the words or the music?

[CHARLEY, spoken]
Oh, generally, the contract.

[INTERVIEWER, spoken]
Oh, that sounds like you think making money is a bad thing for an artist.

[CHARLEY, spoken]
Money?
Did I say money?

(sung)
No, I like money a lot—
Hmm-hmm-hmm
I mean, it’s better than not—
Hmm-hmm-hmm
But when it's—
(snort)
Money…
(snort, snort)
Money…
(snort)
When you’re into—
(snort)
Money…
And you should be—

[Mimes piano playing.]

(spoken)
Listen, Frank does the money thing very well, but you know what? Other people do it better. And Frank does the music thing very well. And you know what? No one does it better.

(sung)
Still, the telephones blink
And the buzzers buzz
And I really don't know what he does
But he makes a ton of money
And a lot of it for me—
Right

So I think "Okay"
And I start a play
But he somehow knows
'Cause right away
It's drrrring!
"Hiya, buddy
Wanna write a show?
I got a great idea
We’ll own all the rights
With a two-week out
And a turnaround
On the guarantee
Plus a gross percent
Of the billing clause—"

And there I am in California
Talking deals and turning pink
Back in business and I mean just that
Back with Franklin Shepard, Inc.

Very sneaky how it happens
Much more sneaky than you think
Start with nothing but a song to sing
Next, you're Franklin Shepard—

(spoken)
Oh wait a second, wait one second. I am getting in too deep here.

[KT, spoken]
Franklin, let me ask you...

[CHARLEY, spoken]
See, Frank and I are not that kind of close. Not like we used to be.

[KT, spoken]
Now, Frank...

[CHARLEY, spoken]
And friendship is like a garden. You have to water it and tend it and care about it. And you know what? I miss it and I want it back. Look...

(sung)
Nothing permanent has happened
Just a temporary kink
Friendship's something you don't really lose…

(spoken)
Ladies and gentlemen, don't let me lose the greatest composer any lyricist has ever had. Phone him, write him, stop him on the street. You'll recognize him, he's the one going through his checkbook. And tell that man to get back to his piano.

(sung)
Very sneaky how it happens
Every day you're on the brink
First the prizes, then the interviews—

Oh, my God, I think it's happened
Stop me quick before I sink
One more triumph that I can't refuse—

(spoken)
In case you didn't notice, this is my first time on TV and my last.

(sung)
No, here's the point, whatever happens—
Then we'll all go have a drink—
That's the guy I love, the fella who's
Inside—
"Mutter mutter mutter mutter, quick, Jerome
Get the president
There's a crazy man
On my TV screen!"
Inside—
Bzzz! Bzzz! Drrring!—
Inside
Franklin Shepard—
Just write him care of Any Bank, U.S.A.—
Inc.!