Influx

[Verse]
Some nights I stay up looking at the night sky
And I start to wonder why I can't get enough
Is it 'cause my expectations are too high
Or is it closer to my fears that I'm caught up in a lie?
Either way, it means I'm screwed, so is there a reason to care?
Want an escape from all the numbness, so I share
All these moments in my life causing me some strife
Or, at least they did, at this point, it's all faded
I'm losing track of time searching for that sublime feeling
During those old summer days, but all that's left are hot summer rays
And all the empty praise from the people that I love
But I keep on tryin' to shove all of them away from me
Tryin' to' do this shit myself, be alone as I can be
And it's all my fault, lock my feelings in a vault
Waiting for the right moment so that I can show you all
How exactly I'm broken... fuck
Used to know this girl, took me for a whirlwind of a ride
Left me unable to cry, but that shit was paradise
Before I had paid the price, didn't listen to advice
'Cause that feeling was too nice, so I jumped in head first
And I got spat out, feelin' cursed
But those moments I was there, man, nothing could compare
Now I reminisce, those feelings of bliss I had in the abyss
That I want to miss, but I don't