I Understand (Pitkin’s Song)

[PITKIN]
When I was five, my brother stole my lollipop
My lollipop stole he!
But I didn't mutter, "Damn your hide"
He needed candy more than I'd
So instead of biting off his hand
I just said, "Goo! I understand!"

When I was ten, my mother trounced me with a mop
With a mop trouncèd she me
But I didn't mutter, "Damn your eyes"
I knew she needed exercise
So instead of joining a gypsy band
I just said, "Mom, I understand!"

At thirty a man in a car ruthlessly ran me down
He ruthlessly down ran me
But I didn't mutter, "Damn your spleen"
For a man's a man, but a car's a machine
So instead of stripping him of his land
I just said, "Jack, I understand!"

Now I'm forty-five and I've met Claire, we're engaged to wed
Engaged to wed are we
But tonight I tell you, "Damn you, Claire"
You played me evil and that's not fair!
So instead of remaining calm and bland
I hereby do not understand!