I Don’t Need Two Reasons (skit)

I did not lose my virginity until was 26. And that’s true. 19 vaginally. But 26, you know, when my boyfriend calls the "real way." You know what, that’s a fucking disgusting joke. And I don't do that. That’s a fictional. That’s a joke, I mean I don’t… that’s fucking nasty. And I don’t...my asshole is… It’s totally for decoration. It’s like an appendix. It’s like an appendix. I tell people that I was shocked. And my friend, And my friend Mike was… you know, he was like last night ‘Oh, you know, it’s not disgusting, it’s natural.’ He's like trying to sell me on it being natural. First of all doodie comes out of there, okay. And second of all, fucking dooty comes out of here. I don’t need two reasons when dootie, dooties involved. I’m like going off and then remember as I’m talking that you know, Mike is gay. And I now have to backpedal and say like ‘no, your asshole is like your vagina. That’s totally cool’. Thank God. I think on my feet.