I Can’t Do the Sum

(Verse 1)
If a steamship weighed 10,000 tons and sailed 5,000 miles
With a cargo large of overshoes and carving knives and files
If the mates were almost six feet high and the bos'n near the same
Would you subtract or multiply to find the captain's name?
Oh, oh, oh!

(Chorus)
Put down six and carry two
Gee, but this is hard to do
You can think and think and think till your brains are numb
I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum

(Verse 2)
If Clarence took fair Gwendoline out for an auto ride
And if at 60 miles an hour one kiss to capture tried
And quite forgot the steering gear on her honeyed lips to sup
How soon could 20 men with brooms sweep Clare and Gwennie up?
Oh, oh, oh!

(Chorus)
Put down six and carry two
Gee, but this is hard to do
You can think and think and think till your brains are numb
I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum

(Verse 3)
If Harold took sweet Imogene with him one eve to dine
And ordered half the bill of fare with cataracts of wine
If the bill of fare were $13.95 and poor Harold had but four
How many things would Harold strike before he found the floor?
Oh, oh, oh!

(Chorus)
Put down six and carry two
Gee, but this is hard to do
You can think and think and think till your brains are numb
I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum

(Verse 4)
If a woman had an English pug, ten children, and a cat
And tried in seven hours to find a 40 dollar flat
With naught but sunny outside rooms in a neighborhood of tone
How old would those ten children be before they found a home?
Oh, oh, oh!

(Chorus)
Put down six and carry two
Gee, but this is hard to do
You can think and think and think till your brains are numb
I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum

(Verse 5)
If a pound of prunes cost 13 cents at half past one today
And the grocer is so bald he wears a dollar five toupee
And if with every pound of tea he will give two cut glass plates
How soon would Willie break his face on his new roller skates?
Oh, oh, oh!

(Chorus)
Put down six and carry two
Gee, but this is hard to do
You can think and think and think till your brains are numb
I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum