Holly Jolly Non-Denominational Holiday Time

[THE SOLVE-IT SQUAD]
Well, it’s a holly jolly
Non-denominationally
Good golly holiday time

Well, it’s a holly jolly
Non-denominationally
Good golly holiday time

(Scene)

[KEITH]
If we were a tree then Gwen would be—

[GWEN]
The Star of David at the tippity top!
Scrags is a bundle of bags underneath said tree

[SCRAGS, spoken]
Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?

[SCRAGS]
Esther is the tinsel and the ornaments and lights

[ESTHER]
And eggnog spiked with psychedelic delights

[SCRAGS, GWEN & ESTHER]
And Keith

[KEITH, spoken]
Wazzup!

[SCRAGS, GWEN & ESTHER]
Keith… is a wreath

[KEITH, spoken]
Nice! I love wreaths!

[THE SQUAD]
Well, it’s a holly jolly
Non-denominationally
Good golly holiday time

Well, it’s a holly jolly
Non-dеnominationally
Good golly holiday time

[GWEN]
We wish you a nondenominational occasion

[SCRAGS]
Wе wish you a generic seasonal celebration

[ESTHER]
We wish you’d not impose your gauche religious persuasion

[KEITH]
And just buy more stuff!

[GWEN]
We got a non-denominational conifer

[SCRAGS]
On a nondenominational holider

[ESTHER]
So put on your non-denomenon Yarmulker

[THE SQUAD]
And light your nondenominational monorrah! Wooo!

[GWEN & ESTHER]
The 24th and 25th are a time to be

[GWEN]
Over leveraged

[SCRAGS]
Financially

[KEITH]
Over-beveraged

[ESTHER]
Alcoholically!

[GWEN]
Over hill, over dale
Over-served, overall

[SCRAGS]
Over overdraft fees
Over overcrowded malls

[KEITH]
Overbooked
Overlooked
Overbaked
Undercooked
Half-baked

[ESTHER]
Or super duper baked!

[GWEN]
Overthought
Overwrought

[SCRAGS]
Overweight
Overbought

[KEITH]
Over-served

[ESTHER]
Passed out underneath the tree

[GWEN & KEITH]
When the overeating’s over
Overheating begins
Take your overcoat off
Spread your holiday wings

[SCRAGS & ESTHER]

You can always give more
So fill up your carts
It ain’t ever over till the gender non-conforming person farts

(Esther farts)

[SCRAGS]
So let’s take on debt
To let everyone know you love them!

[SCRAGS, spoken]
And that's it

[GWEN]
Ok, the over-overture is finally over now!

[ESTHER]
That was long overdue

[SCRAGS]
Thank god

[KEITH]
Oh wow

[ESTHER]
Ya can’t say the G word

[GWEN]
Right because...

[THE SQUAD]
It’s a holly
Jolly
Poly potluck on Molly
It’s a
Non de-
Nomi-
Nation-
Ally
Good Golly Christmas

[GWEN, spoken]
Can’t say the C-word

[KEITH, spoken]
Cunt?

[GWEN, spoken]
No!

[SCRAGS, spoken]
Christ!

[KEITH, spoken]
Oh!

[THE SQUAD]
Holly Jolly Holiday Show!

[ESTHER]
CUNT!