He Vas My Boyfriend

[Frau Blucher]
Love comes when you least suspect it
Love dances in on a whim
I thought maybe I could direct it
But I never expected...
A guuy like him

He was a bully und a brute
He vas as crazy as a coot
Still I didn't give a hoot
He vas my boyfriend!

With ev'ry voman he vould flirt
He alvays treated me like dirt
But I vas happy to be hurt
He vas my boyfriend!

I vas as pure as a virgin meadow
Lying with Vicotr in the gloam
Then he turned to me, that charmer, whispered, "Let's play farmer."
And plowed me 'til the cows came home!

He vas a monster and a beast
His midnight bangings never ceased
It didn't faze me in the least
He vas my boyfriend!

(spoken)
I'll never forget the first time I met Victor. It vas on the village green
At the annual bock beer festival, where every beer cost a bock
I vas an innocent young lamb and he was a dirty old goat
Ve vere made for each other
All of a sudden, he took out his paraphernalia and shouted
"Let's play croquet!", and off to the field ve vent
He carried his hoops and mallets and I carried his balls
What a festival! Fun and games all day long. Archery, badminton, potato sack
Victor won the three-legged race...all by himself. It vas love at first sight

(sung)
He vas the one I gave my heart to
But ve never wed even so
If I mentioned wedlock
He'd put me in a headlock!

Vhen I asked to be his wife
He stabbed me with a kitchen knife
Ach, where did the good times go?

If he had an angry fit
I vas the first thing that he'd hit
But I didn't give a shit...

He vas my boyfriend!