He Doesn’t Have a Home Anymore...

[Narrator]
He doesn't have a home anymore.
So on he marches, all day long.
On, and on, and on, and on.
Until, one day, he arrives at a border.
Across it, a village with an inn.
He thinks:

[Soldier]
Shall I cross over? Why not?

[Narrator]
So he does, and goes in.
He orders a tot from the landlord,
Drinks it down, and then thinks.

[Soldier]
Now what?
Best have another, and maybe another.
Landlord, come here, fill her up!

[Narrator]
Befuddled, he gazes around him.
Muslin curtains tied with silk cord.
Oak panelling and fine leaded windows. It's obvious he must be abroad.
A gentle breeze stirs the curtains. He's just beginning to doze,
When suddenly all hell breaks loose and shatters his peaceful repose.
It really is an awful din.
Uh, someone in the street starts to bang a drum…
Apparently because… because.
Someone? Ah, yes!
The princess of the realm,
The only daughter of the King,
Lies ill in bed,
And neither speaks nor eats, nor smiles nor anything.
And the king proclaims to the sound of the drum:
That whatsoever man shall come
And raise his daughter from her bed,
That man, the fair princess, shall wed!

Just at that moment, a man, somewhat older, who's been having a drink at the bar,
Gets to his feet, sidles across and taps young Joe on the shoulder.

[Ex Soldier]
Hello chum! You don't know me, I don't know you.
We've not been introduced but, well, I was once a soldier too.
And when I saw you come in here, and you was all alone,
I thought I'll just nip over there and make myself known.
I said to myself, have a word with him.
He looks a bit down, a bit peaky and thin.
Who knows, this could be his big chance?
A lovely young princess, beautiful, gay.
I thought this might be his lucky day…
I'm married, worse luck, it's no use to me.
But you, my boy, you're young, you're free!
You might be a doctor, you might not, you can choose.
I mean, come on, my son, you've nothing to lose.
You could say: I'm an M.O.
Medical corps, served in the army, during the war.
You might cure her, you might not, must be worth a shot.
Come on, what d'you say? Eh? Eh? Come on, why not?

[Narrator]
The soldier, somewhat in his cups, mulls over this piece of advice, and he thinks.

[Soldier]
Hm!
That could be quite a good con.
Eh? Why not indeed!
Thanks for the tip! I think I will, hold on? He's gone.
Never mind. What the hell!
Excuse me, mine host, one more tot,
And then, could you please show me the way
To the palace. I must go there with no further delay
To speak upon matters both medical and grave.
To his Majesty,
Pursuant to his daughter's malaise.

[Narrator]
So our hero, somewhat unsteadily, makes his way to the palace gates,
Where he rings the bell, and again, and then waits.
A Sergeant comes and says

[Sergeant]
What do you want? Why did you ring?

[Narrator]
The soldier replies.

[Soldier]
What do I want?
Why did I ring?
Because I need to see the bloody King!