Genius On-Line Product Catalog (a Parody) - A Shaded Blade Game

A Shaded Blade

The Genius-VRE team is thrilled to announce the first fully-developed1 and astonishing addition2 to its most ambitious project yet!

In A Shaded Blade, prepare to become Jack Lemon: a dishonorably discharged police officer who seeks respite from his haunting past. Changing his name to John and relocating to the Williamsburg of a childhood he once thought innocent, however, merely leads to seeing more of the putrid underbelly of the community to which he once pledged himself.

One night, drunken and unemployed, you, Jack, can find no one to rescue you from the 20-story ledge of oblivion upon which you stand. You try to recall a reason to prefer this hell over all others, and, finding none, move to take the final step. Just then, the phone rings—the same phone that hadn’t rung since the mortician pleaded with you to identify your wife. Acting against instinct you answer it, though only to make for a more dramatic farewell. The nuanced, velvet voice of a certain "Elizabeth" offers you a position as head of security at an Internet company in New York you’d never dared dream to work for. Bewildered yet grasping at redemption, you accept the offer and for the first time since your wife died thank the heavens. The following evening you feel rejuvenated, sitting in a spacious office, with a six-digit salary and all the lemon stress balls you could desire. Yet not all is as it seems3. A shadow organization breaks in and manages to copy critical information. You realize that not only is your new job at stake, but perhaps your life as well.

Guide John Lemon on his multifaceted quest for redemption in a fully 4D-rendered neo-noir urban labyrinth of reeking alleys and nebulous psyches alike, where every decision has a consequence. Will you ruthlessly pursue the shadow organization that attacked your new company, or will you listen to what the outlaws have to say and uncover more about your new employer than you had ever thought possible?4 The choice is yours.

Genius Member Price: $999.95 + $41.50 S&H

Footnotes:

1 The concept of ‘full development,’ like that of astonishment, is subjective. Genius denies any and all claims of incompleteness, including on those accounts where further inclusion is not excluded. All of Genius’s available products are complete to the extent that Genius can generate income without conscience of obscurement.

2 This is the first game available for the Genius-VRE, and is purchased separately. It is not an addition to other Genius-VRE products, since none preceded it. There being none, they could not have been tested on any subjects animate or otherwise and could not have caused any damage, hemorrhagic, emotional, or otherwise. Genius continues to donate a portion of its profits to Amnesty International.

3 As stated in the terms and conditions, it is essential for users' safety that they do interpret everything as it seems. Genius disclaims all liability for user imagination.

4 Genius denies, repudiates and condemns any and all accusations of self-advertisement. Genius reserves all rights on its services and products and remains entitled to commercial promotion of any kind, even though it would never create a virtual company parallel to it that could demonstrate the legitimacy of its model.

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