Food Belongs in Me

You’re out to eat with your girlfriend, you’re upset
A small salad and a water’s all she gets
Then she says she’s fat and pukes in the bathroom
I’m on the road on a typical weekday night
I’m hittin all of the buffets in town that you like
But she’ll never let you go there like I do

She wears short skirts, I break T-shirts
She’s on a diet and I’m in the freezer
Scarfin’ down a cake, hoping one day you’ll find that what you’re looking for
Has been me the whole time

If you could see that I’m the one who wants to date you
Promise that I’d clean up all my plate, you see
Food belongs in me, food belongs in me…

She’s on the street wearing belts with skinny jeans
While my pants are all bursting at the seams
When I see a school bus I think to myself, “hey is that a twinkie? ”
And while I admit I’m not smart as you may like
I can’t do math because it makes me think of pi
But I can tell you that your girlfriend’s so wrong
She doesn’t even save her grocery coupons

She eats rice cakes, I eat Jell-O
She’s your cupcake but I’ll be your ho-ho
Hope you’re not creeped out, but those love notes you found with chocolate fingerprints
Were from me the whole time

If you could see that I’m the one who wants to date you
Promise that I’d clean up all my plate, you see
Food belongs in me

At prom I can’t wear dresses with a price tag
Hope you’re fine with me wearing a tent bag, see
Food belongs in me, food belongs in me…

Oh, I can see us drive home from waffle house in the middle of the night
And I can’t get through the door, you can help me grease my sides
You’ve got a pretty face, won’t you come in for a while
I’ll replace the pizza place with your number on speed dial

Can’t you see that I wish I was in the picture
Though my footsteps show up on the Richter, see
Food belongs in me…

We could share the whole entire menu
Till our scales both say “to be continued”
See, food belongs in me, food belongs in me…
Food belongs in me
It’s apparent that just maybe food belongs in me
Food belongs in me