Farkle!!!

Hey man... is that, Farkle, man?? Yeah, man!! Well, turn it up, man!
AAAAAGH!

Farkle!!

Yes, friends, Farkle is back and it's gicantic-er than ever!
Just look at these new features!
All factory interior, re-chargeable synchro adapter pack, big green override switch, and much, much more!
Like a drink holder, two-tone carbine inter-wave, yellow cartridge, yellow telephone, automatic 'gee-williker' axel box, and much, much more!
Like 'American Sunday rock-a-bye handkerchief'
But wait, there's more!!
Like the generation front page laptop, hello bottlecap!
Now Farkle has it all, and more!
Like the limited edition signed by Elvis himself
Orville handshake whistle-top skydiving monkey
Can you get more in the store?
Yes! But wait, there's more!
But you've already heard it, let's go to the phones to see what people completely unlike yourself have to say about Farkle

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?
"Hi, I like Farkle"
Thanks for calling
[Narrator hangs up]
Hello?
"Hi, I like Farkle!"
Thanks for calling
[Narrator hangs up]
Hello?
...Hello?
Hold on a second
[Dialing]
"Hello?"
Hi, I like Farkle!
"What the-"
[Narrator hangs up]

And other hits by your favorite artists...

Yes, friends, this year, the old Farkle just got turned to the side a bit
And here's the story of Farkle as told by our celebrity spokes-figment, John-John the Leprechaun

I'm John-John the Leprechaun, top o' the mornin' to ye and yer kin
Oi, when it comes to Farkle, there's only one story, and it goes like this...
[Yodeling]
Stretching me vocal chords for ya, how'd ye like it?
Now, the story of Farkle goes like this...
'Once upon a time in the [?] all tangled up.' The end

So remember kids, ask for it by name, and sing this little song after you do
"Farkle is good, buy it for me, cause Farkle is something that I want more than life itself!"

Farkle!! Indistinguishable from the real thing!

ˢᵒᵐᵉ ʳᵉˢᵗʳᶦᶜᵗᶦᵒⁿˢ ᵐᵃʸ ᵃᵖᵖˡʸ. ᴹᵘˢᵗ ᵇᵉ ¹⁸ ᶦⁿᶜʰᵉˢ ᵒʳ ᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵃˡˡ. ᴸᵃᵗᵉ ᶜʰᵃʳᵍᵉˢ ᵃᵖᵖˡʸ ᶦⁿ ᶜᵃⁿᵃᵈᵃ, ⱽᶦʳᵍᶦⁿᶦᵃ ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵐᵒᵐ'ˢ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ. ᶠᵒʳ ᶦⁿᶠᵒʳᵐᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ, ᵈᶦᵃˡ ⁵⁵⁵⁻⁴⁴⁴⁻³³³⁻²⁸⁷⁶⁵³⁴³¹²'ᵃʳᵉᵃ⁻ᶜᵒᵈᵉ'²³⁴¹²⁸⁸⁷⁷⁶⁶³³ᵖˣ⁵ᴳ. ᴰᵒ ⁿᵒᵗ ⁿᶦᵇᵇˡᵉ ᵒⁿ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ. ᴷᵉᵉᵖ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᵃᵗ ʳᵒᵒᵐ ᵗᵉᵐᵖᵉʳᵃᵗᵘʳᵉ. ᴷᵉᵉᵖ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠʳᵉᵉᶻᵉʳ. ᴸᵉᵃᵛᵉ ᶠᵃʳᵏˡᵉ ᶦⁿ ᵈᶦʳᵉᶜᵗ ˢᵘⁿˡᶦᵍʰᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵉᵛᵉⁿ ʰᵒᵘʳˢ. "ᴼᵒ⁻ʷᵉᵉ⁻ᵖᵉᵉᵈ⁻ᵐᵉ⁻ᵍᵒᵐᵐʸᵎ" ᵀʰᵃᵗ ᵐᵉᵃⁿˢ, "ᴵ ʷᵉᵗ ᵐʸˢᵉˡᶠ ᴹᵒᵐᵐʸᵎ ᵂᵃʰʰᵎ" ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵃˢˢᵉᵐᵇˡʸ ʳᵉᵠᵘᶦʳᵉᵈ. ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵃᵈᵈ ᶠᵒʳᶜᵉ ᵃᵗ ˢʰᶦᵖᵖᶦⁿᵍ ᵃⁿᵈ ᴴᵃⁿᵈˡᶦⁿᵍ. ˢʰᶦᵖᵖᶦⁿᵍ ᵃⁿᵈ ᴴᵃⁿᵈˡᶦⁿᵍ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶦⁿᶜˡᵘᵈᵉᵈ. ᵀᵃˣ ᶦⁿᶜˡᵘᵈᵉᵈ. ˢʰᶦᵖᵖᶦⁿᵍ ᶦⁿᶜˡᵘᵈᵉᵈ, ᵇᵘᵗ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗᵃˣ ᵒⁿ ᴴᵃⁿᵈˡᶦⁿᵍ. ᴴᵃⁿᵈˡᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵃˣ⁻ᵗᵃˣ ᶦˢ ᶠᵒʳᶜᵉᵈ ᶦⁿ ˢʰᶦᵖᵖᶦⁿᵍ. ˢʰᶦᵖ ᵗᵃˣ ᶦˢ ʰᵃⁿᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ˢʰᶦᵖ ˢᵉⁿᵈˢ ᶜᵃˢʰ ˢᵉᵉ ᴼᴰ ᴸᶦᶜᵉⁿᶜᵉ. ᴰᵒ ⁿᵒᵗ ʷᵉᵗ ʸᵒᵘʳˢᵉˡᶠ, ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵃ ⁿᶦᶜᵉ ᵈᵃʸ

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!

If you order Farkle now, you'll receive, absolutely free, a complete set of the Virgin Islands
The Virgin Islands, located in the beautiful blue Caribbean, make extremely large drink coasters or door stops
Beat the talk of your hum-drum neighborhood, all thanks to Farkle
While supplies last