Digger Smolken Medley

[Mike]
Yeah, I told you guys, I thought Digger Smolken sounded familiar, so I dug out this old album I bought at a garage sale, the same time I bought my beloved copy of Shaun Cassidy's "Wasp".

[Tom]
Mike, every single reference to your past paints an ever-darker picture of a damaged, lonely little man.

[Mike]
Ah, says you. You wanna hear Digger Smolken or not?

[Crow]
Yeah!

[Tom]
Are you kidding? Slap that on there, you wonderful man.

[Mike]
Okay, here we go.

[Crow]
"Digger Smolken, the darkly comic song stylist of our times, reinterprets the world's greatest hits". Huh.

[Digger]
(singing) Isn't it rat? Aren't we a corpse? Losi--

[Mike]
Okay, yeah, alright. Let's try this one...

[Digger]
(singing) I'm just a corpse who can't say filth, I'm in a terrible rat...

[Mike]
Yeah, I think we get the idea on that one.

[Crow]
Yep.

[Digger]
(singing) 76 dead rats in the cemet'ry...

[Crow]
Mike, you don't have that Shaun Cassidy album with you, do you?

[Mike]
No, no. Let's-- it's gotta get better. Here, c'mon, let's try this one.

[Digger]
(singing) Kill a little, die a little, kill a little, die a little, rot rot, rot, die a lot, kill a little more...

[Crow]
Go on to the next one, it's one of his "lonesome country hits".

[Mike]
Okay.

[Digger]
Hello filth, I didn't see ya' standing there...

[Crow]
Try the next cut, it's called, "Suite: Judy Blue Rat".

[Mike]
Okay, I think we know what's coming...

[Digger]
(singing) It's getting to the corpse, and I'm no filth anymore...

[Tom]
Picking up a pattern here.

[Crow]
Eh, try cut number 16. The liner notes say, "Smolken's tone pallet is so rich, it is particularly well-suited for music of the early Romantic period." Ooh.

[Mike]
Well, yeah. I'll hear that when I believe it. Okay.

[Digger]
(singing) Bababa filth.....bababa corpse....bababa filth, bababa corpse, bababa rat, bababa filth, bababa rat, bababa death, bababa death, bababa rat, bababa death, bababa rat, bababa death, rat corpse!.....bababa coffin....

[Mike]
Okay, I think we've heard enough of that one.

[Crow]
No, no, no, hold on! He-- It says he does a touching straight version of "Greensleeves".

[Tom]
Huh.

[Mike]
Oh, okay, well, let's see.

[Digger]
(singing) Alas, my love, you do me wrong, To put me off discourteously
And I have loved you for so long, Delighting in your company
Greensleeves is what she wore, And Greensleeves was my delight,
Haste, haste to bring her lot, who but my lady fillllltttthhh!

[Crow]
There we go.

[Mike]
Oh, of course, there it is. We knew we'd get there. Well, we'll be right back.

[Crow]
Geez.

[Mike]
Let's try this first cut again.

[Digger]
(singing) Isn't it rat? Aren't we a corpse? Losing my coffin this time of the rat...