Curses

[Preamble]
I've been a good boy to all my teddy bears
I wouldn’t harm a flea
I kiss my mummy and always say my prayers
How come he picks on me?

I was always told to have respect for the cloth
But that there reverend's gonna suffer my wrath
I was just standing round, trying to please
He goes and takes away my knees

When I get up I'm gonna tear him limb from limb
Divine chastisement’s gonna descend on him
I'm gonna take a small collection that'll make the parish news
I'm gonna blow away his pews

I hope he's plagued with locusts and frogs
And overrun with rats and mice and chasеd by savage dogs
And on the Day of Judgemеnt I will be there, because
I'm gonna dig him deeper than he was

[Instrumental break]

I hope that when he preaches he gets hiccup attacks
And poltergeists haunt him and break his knicks and knacks
And his diocese is atomised and pestilence is rife
And I'll bash him and I'll thrash him and I’ll run off with his wife

You know David slew Goliath? Well, Harold ditto Hector
I’ll put a cobra in his cassock, excommunicate this rector
With his tantalising wife I'll have asses’ milk baths
And lots and lots and lots and lots of laughs

[Instrumental break]

With her I could be happy, no need of teddy bear
We'd lie around in consecrated cotton underwear
Condemn Slingsby for eternity to itch and twitch and scratch
And leave his collar backwards; just turn his head to match

[Verse]
Ah, but what the heck, it's the season of goodwill
And He might not like it if I wish the vicar ill
But all the same I can't help leaving one little curse
I hope his cold gets worse