Courtship of the Mermaid

[Verse 1]
Once upon a morning dawn
Ninja Brian and I happened upon a gold pond
In a forest enchanted where we both gazed upon
A bold sight so fair, see there
Beneath the blue waterfall, a mermaid was swimming
And my heart, enthralled, became lost
In the beautiful lines of her face
Her every lithe movement was exquisite grace
I trembled in silence at the love of my life
Such a delicate moment, I must play this just right

[Chorus]
"Hey, do you want pizza?", I screamed loud as shit
Then I grabbed a whole pizza, threw the fuck out of it
It soared through the air like some pizza-ass doves
Now marvel and witness the glory of love

[Spoken Interlude]
Here comes the pizza!

[Verse 2]
The mermaid looked off with her hair in the breeze
For she'd noticed not my love letter of cheese
I don't see how I may get her soul to listen
Like sunlight, she shines
Like crystals, she glistens
I need to dream an ingenious new scheme
So this angel shall open her heart to me

[Chorus]
More pizza, Brian, with onions and ham, too
Now coat me in pizza, and throw me, goddamn you!
As choirs of angels sing out to the sky
In a cheese crust of passion, my true love shall fly

[Spoken Outro]
Ah, my legs!
God, they're definitely broken!
Oh no, a handsome merman has just appeared
He's brought the mermaid filet mignon, Brian
That's a clearly superior dish
Now they're boning, wow, that was fast
Hold on, I'm gonna try to hop over and tell her I love her
Ah!
Can one of you angels fly me to a hospital, please?
No? Cool
Fuck you guys