Christmas Christmas (Or Whatever)

[Verse 1]
Stop the tape climate change is real
So all I want for Christmas is a legislative deal
Or better yet Santa let me get a major deal
With a million up front just so I can pay the bills

Oh shit forgot the cranberry sauce
I’ve been naughty I’m a man very lost
Ain’t got a nightlife cause I’m banned in every bar
But every time I rock the stage fans stare in awe

Spin a cold verse till I got a chest cold
But nonetheless, I got a stocking full of fresh coals
Damn Santa, could I get a pair of retros?
I just wanna shine like I got a fucking red nose

Haven’t caught the spirit in forever
When I was writing letters Santa asking for a Sega
Well guess I gotta get my shit together
Wishing you a Merry Christmas or whatever

[Chorus]
I don’t got no presents but I’ll give you Christmas rhymes
I don’t like ugly sweaters but I’ll wear them winter time
I think my camp director might be serving prison time
And I really hate the weather
Christmas time, Christmas time

[Verse 2]
Dear Santa, I know I’ve been a wicked sinner
But at the very least could I get a fidget spinner
Last season was the worst winter
But then teen teen turned it all around with a turkey dinner

Head boppin' to a ranger banker
Sounding like they came out of an 80s pager
Three men in a mangy manger
Somebody tell baby J "stranger danger!"

They used to talk about me back when I took the flow
Now they kissing my ass no need for mistletoe
That’s a figure of speech don’t take it literal
Cause I don’t think my ass is very kissable

I got Jack Frost nipping at my toes
If I take another sip of jack my livers toast
That could’ve been the greatest thing I ever wrote
I know it’s hard to swallow like a dreidel in the throat
Richie

[Chorus]
I don’t got no presents but I’ll give you Christmas rhymes
I don’t like ugly sweaters but I’ll wear them winter time
I think my camp director might be serving prison time
And I really hate the weather
Christmas time, Christmas time