Chapter 2: A Twoway Fish

Note: If there are sides to be taken on the question of Word Revolution I humbly ask to take both sides. Answering “Shall We Demand a Revolution of the Word?” I say Yezno! (from the Am. Fresno [a city], combined with Yes [a state of mind], and Zeno [Z as in Zebra and O as in naught.]). Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! NOYEZ! (from No as in Knowledge, with a left-handed but adriot allusion to the No in the French noisette and the classical Japanese “No” plays.)

Note: If this by any of the odd chances of existence is printed in this modern era, the author humbly hopes that the proof-reading will be well looked to, as creeping mistakes cannot be detected with ease in such progressive writings as these, and said mistakes are certain to be taken seriously by some of the kind of Ouji-board readers one invokes in writing thusly. Typographical errors in modern publications have uselessly outworn many good and stoutly bound dictionaries.

Also, if a complicated corrected proof sheet to prove the author’s Aegean labor is required to illustrate and further illuminate the following story, one can be instantly provided. (Vide: Unconstitutionality of ink-footed chicken-fight on Tribune press paper, of Horace Greely, the impeccable.)

To continue: Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! Knowyez!

I AM A TWO — WAY FISH

YENZO

For

(Notes)

A 2-way Fish is a Coney Island contraption used in a Prize Fish Pond; on one side it bears a winning number and on the other side a losing number, each concealed by a sliding tin tag painted fish color. The player of course is as unconscious of this as is the modern reader of other things.

NOYEZ

Against

(Text)

A twiceweighed two-fister tooarmlong two-tooto and lovetoyou, two-toothy and two trouty underoverishway Fish.

(1) Thatcher: It has been ascertained that our author lived at 290 Thatcher Avenue, River Forest, Illinois, from 1890 to 1907. Hence the rich reference to his rollicking carefree boyhood in the crucial formative period of his genius.
In Coney Catcher (1) Thatcher Cooney Canny Island glance eyebrowover the Lowenbrau highbrow twoway twisty fisty 290 — 092 twofaced fish in the poley roley Pond. One side wins tother looses. Warrah. Godown Jonah Miracle Playboy.

(2) Larry: Doubtless refers to the name of the grifter who operates the game and who reveals a winning number or a losing one at will, as we have learned. It seems miraculous yet Jonah couldn’t do it, as our author playfully infers.
Turn the crank (2) Larry.

This lazy-lady authoress zin a hurdygurdy hurry.

Zat’s me. I nose my

(3) Verbunions: Verb, into verbosity plus “I know my onions”, blooming into a fragrant word-flower suggesting the vervain — verbena.
(3) verbunions.

Cant makeup my catsup rouge-mind whats on it.

(4) bare fax: Beatrice Fairfax the writer, rendered in delicious jazz motif.
(4) bare fax an’ pock

(5) Pax: the disarmament note enters.
an’ pecks o’ (5) Pax.

(6) Flopside: a variant of flotsam with pidgin English “topside”.
No choose. (6) Flopside wins Jetsam loses. Loose change. All just blows down one windy nosey nostril an dup the tooting tother.

(7) Not Fate. Fake. Here Mr. Brown’s righteous indignation gets the better of him and he delivers a well-deserved tirade on the ethical mores of Coney Island grifters.
(7) Not fate. Fake. Ask Dad who runs the game.

(8) Ask Dad. He knows: Hiram Watha: The meaning of this delicious motif mingling the war cry of a well-known pipe tobacco with the majestic strophe of Longfellow’s “Hiawatha” cannot be missed. “Hiram” also refers to the green-horn taken in by such obviously fraudulent practices. “Watha” clearly refers to the Waltham watch.
(8) He knows. Whatside topside bottomside scrapeside you inside outside upside downside furside Hiram Watha pipeside.

He wins both ways, ways that are deep and ways that are wary shocking

(9) Shellshallow: an echo of the Yankee shell game played with a dried pea and three walnut shells. The author righteously denounces its hollow mockery.
(9) shellshallow shocked.

Like my winsome mind parted down the middle my middle yours truly

(10) Tender Button: A gracious gesture calling attention to the title of a book by a contemporary modern.
(10) tender button
Out of the insane salutarium solarium solaring above the solar plexipluvius I see word-wise twoeye

(11) Oddly-story: Here a learned reference to the Odyssey i.e. Oddisy of Me.
Wise twoeye (11) oddly-story me see.

(12) Newt Neuter, frigged Newton: Surely a portentious esoteric ref. of grave import to the initiated and recommended for close study by all present-day Browning or Blueing Clubs. The stress seems to be laid on Newton’s prior discovery of the Law of Gravity certainly not the childish Fig Newton of school days as some B.C. circles have advanced erroneously.
I’m Newt Neuter. I’m on both sides (12) frigged Newton applesas. I storyfence rubberny-neck stretched your nicked necking knuckly neck. Canook neck.

(13) Yis sid yir. Occasional precious passages like this suggest spiritual inspiration, almost divinely-driven writing of Blake. Here we may assume that our erudite author is enrapport with some choice prankish spirits through the ouija board, who affect the adorable cant of nil fuit unquam sic impar sibi drug-store cow-boys.
It’s as plain as why what’s that on your Face. Yis I sid yir (13) fice not chur fices.

§ Melbolongetangy: Ref. Madame Melba’s famous peaches. Mel, Portuguese for honey, deftly merged with melange and suggesting lingerie. Bolonge from Bologna, an Italian city. The word get plus angry. Eva Tanguey. The oolong tea tango. Tanzy tea of Madame Garfield’s time. Balloon, etc.
A slangwich § melbolong etangy

(1) Gravy: See Dr. Blair’s “The Grave”, or any Presidential Thanksgiving Proclamation.
With a lugoobrious lugged-in lugduni plot that grows (1) gravy toward the untoward end.

(2) Tincked: a cryptic nut to crack; this is believed to be a reference to tincture of iodine needed for the bruises made by Maudemule.
Moredarn modearn Maudmulemad highbathatters of the Bank that Got Left — Leftover There, the mule-kicked farsided behindbank Leftypitched lightningfork Tincked (2)

(3) Here the author bursts into high hyperbole.
Juicy Joiced jousting Proustling jayhayyalejail (3) beerbeliedbird in the blueing handbush. A swell flathangnail on your flaphead.

(4) Obviously an overt allusion to prevalent French practice of guttersniping cigarette butts.
But me no butts but botty bats in your belly-free gutter. But you unbutton me. (4) Mummy!

(5) References: Spoiled corned-beef fraudulently furnished by packers in Spanish American War. (See Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle.) Also, last phrase, Harry Lauder’s inimitable Scotch Drinking Song.
Jock will beanwalk, Jock will beanstalk corned-licker talk wit hisern pisern ticklin Jock. (5)

(6) Skookumlallies: Am. Indian word for good raspberries, also suggesting the Mexican “tamales”, best when taken hot.
Can do. No can do. How fashion? English pigeon? Hot Skookumlallies. (6)

Toedfashion toad I said hot pigeonbreasted pieface. Wanta hear about and about the burning

(7)Bloody: An ’orrible hoath unedible in England.
(7) bloody bushwackers.

(8) Allusion to the original Chevalier song “Knocked ’em in the Old Kent Road.”
I’ll tell yer ear yer ear (8) d’y’ear? Svenska

(9) Proverb from the Swedish.
Pika speilata naka. (9)

(5) Whora: An ingenious combination of what Babylon was reputed to be, and the Greek proper name “Cora”.
(10) Whora, great blondette flapfat

(11) podgypetti: contrived from Whora’s pasty, pudgy body like spaghetti and the “Petit Pois” restaurant of lingering literary fame in N.Y.
(11) podgypetty fogo’fat was in the current 1931 sixsextoetaptat

(12) tittette: from titter and oysterettes.
(12) tittette, the Purple Floor and Barn Door Gelett Burgess Saxaphonme 1391 tomorrow yet.

She tang a Tootsie Ittle Bideawee Bridetobe. Round corners

(13) Here a high romantic note processionals in, reminiscent of “Beggars on Horseback”, the “Little Church Around the Corner”, and all to the appropriate strains of “Here Comes the Bride”.
(13) took telephoney poley catdog darknitey

(14) Beanwalks: (see above) the wordartist recalls the droll character of Jock and repeats the flute-like bean-note in this virile coloratura with the haunting charm of the Nibelungen Ring.
Fiteyflitey kikikitey (14) beanwalks evacucauliforner cation cauterized walling wellering welking walks. Oh my Yass

(15) Geo. Robey’s famous Scrubwoman’s Song.
us Gals (15) must have Ourfuns. Oh, Knight o’ Night Tales o’cats wit

(16) Dickens, that old curiosity-shop, inventor of the immortal Scrooge and Marley.
To woo her mut to (16) Scrooge and Molly fie-on-her and fryher

(17) Fryher: Now our learned language marvel, master of 34 tongues falls naturally into Plattdeutsch, a Low German tongue. How sonorously he slurs the familiar Freier, Ger, for suitor or wooer.
(17) that policanyPpup; their pornification

(18) Liberty Nation: America, of course.
round Carrie (18) Liberty National lampoonification for justfukation of Work in Progress. He mit her

(19) the chess term “stalemate” happily married to the first mate of Moby Dick with a trusty belaying pin in his rusty hand.
wit a (19) stalebone-whalebone-mate in is hie there.

(20) The heroine is obviously a petite Mexican hairless so he uses Soya, greatest of the Spanish beans, with a subtly flung Soyanara across the continents to Japan, in pursuing his thematic sublimity.
(20) Soyabean out wit dedede mutt minha herrless tempalm arraas

(21) Ref: Brazilian poem by Gonçalves Dias, “Minha terra tem palmeiras Onde canta a sabia”.
(21) Mexicanonoc-

(22) Mexicanonocandoodledo: Here in one masterful Teocallian motifed word Mr. Brown sums up for us the action of the apologue thus far, the terminal eight letters reminding us vividly that the vigorous seat of action is still laid squarely like a Rhino’s egg in the enchanting Land of the Chanticleer.
andoodledo to you. (22)
Godown sweet cheeses on got-your-gat-gut-gungadding kneezes an’ du your biz your Lizzie biz on yur munny or your lifebouys.

(DEEP BREATHING SEE SPACE)

(23) Godown: a word used for warehouse throughout the Far East. A rhythm for a popular “Blues” melody lurks here.
Godown sweet (23)

(24) Charicott: a fruity word smacking of the vegetable kingdom — cherry plus chariot plus carrot all merged into the French Haricot.
(24) Charicott

Make me overnatured

(25) Sprinish sappy: Bliss Carman’s “Make Me Over”. Mother Nature, when the sap begins to stir. Doubtless the author’s undying tribute to the greatest of Canada Dry poets.
(25) Springish sappy

(26) Peppysdiarrhea: Pepy’s Diary plus Rhea, the offspring of Uranus.
(26) Peppysdiarrhea Pups

(27) Pupsnoze: Reverent ref. to The Popes Nose.
(27) Pupsnozemizzling Muskbasketer

Blind

Blueing in

(28) Boybowleggit: the Bow-boy ingeniously appropriately combined with Liggett’s drugstore.
One Boybowleggit (28) Eye pugs puffed Maskeenot the numerality, solely leather save me a shaveme, maleless hoarless, frosty-biting

§ We are utterly unable to trace the history of this regal tautological plum-pudding of words but it appears, to those of second sight who can read between the lines, to allude to the wellnigh insurmountable difficulty of eugenically mating an ordinary vulgar ad to a proper verb.
(§) one-legged-less twoless-legged Polly put your leggin’s on an’ we’ll all take a Promenlemonaid.

(69) o’: here the cato-o’ (Cato?) nine tales strain comes lilting back luminously through the Poet’s Subconscious, and again a militant measure strides in.
Harry-legged hell o’ lonelymess o’ (69) on-loveliness

(70) Mindwarts: See” Watts, “On the Mind”.
One at a timpepiece Boyhoys Hands Off and Up! Hands Off Feet! Hans off the Hams! Change fingers! Harch! Harch in Finger Ates! Reverse! Harch! Figure Hates! Mindwarts. (70) Motes in ze mind.

(71) The ghost of Milt Gross walks.
Yours of the 6th Infant. received wit tinkletanks (71) drip-down downy leggish rungirl villainish pursuitful white o’ leg twinkles. Commet no

(72) Japanese word “Harikari”.
Harry Kelly (72)

(73) Panderangandam: Portuguese word for thunder.

LukeMamGluke: compounded of the Am. vaudeville character Luke Mc Gluke and Madame Gluck, the opera singer.

Panderangandamme (73) LukeMamGluke

(74) Turneytables: Knights of the Round Table after a Tourney, and the well-known railroad mechanism for reversing engines.
It turneytables (74) out a umbiblicaul choirded

(75) Choirded: cord, plus choir, plus dead. “March o' the Dead”? may we infer? (Author’s note: Why not?)
(75) chorus of mailmen

(76) Storked: Symbol of a new birth.
the pstman storked (76) inwit all wet.

(77) Adroit, masterful word-playing this! Munson Line boats run to the moonlit Southern Cross land of the Monsoon.
A moonshiny moonsson toosoon struckit the Munsonliner (77) Toot sweet: Toot soon: and dey all downdrownded wit der seadog buiscuits an’ gutterperching overunderchews.

(78) Kipling’s classic “under the Deodars”.
Der deerMable draggedunder (78) der udders

(78) Kipling’s classic “under the Deodars”.
underdragged (78)

(79) Kloof: South African Dutch word for hill; scuppers added — (Loo suggesting lee) hence lee-scuppers, and Hatch, a winking reference with the eye thrust half into the cheek, to the little known but truly rollicking sailor’s chanty ending “that’s my main Hatch. No more I’ll go aroaming with you, Fair Maid, etc.”
meowishly in ze (79) kloof-scuppers Hatch!

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§§ Here the author falls into a slight but all too human error of judgment. Yes, his ears do deceive him. What he seems to hear is not the word “Applause”, but the more expressively modern inexplicable expletive:
APPLE SAUCE!!!
§§ Author’s Note: What is that deafening sound I hear? Is it? Do my ears deceive me? Can it be:
APPLAUSE!!!