Bring Me My Bride

[MILES, spoken]
Stand aside, everyone! I take large steps

[SOLDIERS]
One, two! One, two!

[MILES]
We not only fought, but we won, too!

[SOLDIERS]
One, two! One, two!
Left, right! Left, right!

[MILES]
There's none of the enemy left, right?

[SOLDIERS]
Right! Left...right...right? Left?

[MILES]
Halt!

[PSEUDOLUS, spoken]
Hail, Miles Gloriosus. Welcome to Rome. Your bride awaits you

[MILES, spoken]
My bride...

(sung)
My bride!
My bride!
I've come to claim my bride
Come tenderly to crush her against my side
Let haste be made!
I cannot be delayed:
There are lands to conquer, cities to loot and peoples to degrade

[SOLDIERS]
Look at those arms!
Look at that chest!
Look at them!

[MILES]
Not to mention the rest
Even I am impressed!
My bride!
My bride!
Come, bring to me my bride
My lust for her no longer can be denied
Convey the news!
I have no time to lose:
There are towns to plunder, temples to burn and women to abuse

[SOLDIERS]
Look at that foot!
Look at that heel!
Mark the magnificent muscles of steel!

[MILES]
I am my ideal!
I, Miles Gloriosus
I, slaughterer of thousands
I, oppressor of the meek
Subduer of the weak
Degrader of the Greek
Destroyer of the Turk
Must hurry back to work

[MILES:]
I, Miles Gloriosus,
[ROMANS]
He, Miles Gloriosus,
[SOLDIERS]
A man among men!

[MILES:]
I, paragon of virtue,
[ROMANS]
He, paragon of virtue,
[SOLDIERS]
With sword and with pen!

[MILES]
I, in war the most admired
In wit the most inspired
In love the most desired
In dress the best displayed--
I am a parade!

[SOLDIERS]
Look at those eyes, cunning and keen
Look at the size of those thighs, like a mighty machine!

[PSEUDOLUS]
Those are the mightiest thighs that I ever have theen!
I mean...

[MILES]
My bride!
My bride!
Inform my lucky bride:
The fabled arms of Miles are open wide
Make haste!
Make haste!
I have no time to waste:
There are shrines I should be sacking
Ribs I should be cracking
Eyes to gouge and booty to divide
Bring me my bride!

[COMPANY]
Bring him his bride!
Bring him his bride!