Bouquet

I have become
Something other than what
I expected I would
I'm not good
And I'm not kind
But I'm not cruel and I try
Just like I promised would
And I'm not special
Like I thought that I was
I am not remarkable or outstanding
I am just
I am just learning
I am growing each day into a beautiful, very large flower
I'm just part of the bouquet
And I am not alone here
We are beautiful things
Now I wanna tell you I love you but I'm waiting 'til spring
When you tell me I'm good
And I almost believe it
Maybe you're just peeking into the future
'Cause I don't yet see it though I try
But I don't think that I'm nice
And I'm not special
I am just learning
I am growing each day into a beautiful, very large flower
I'm just part of the bouquet

And I am not alone here
Forever in bloom
We are all just growing each day
Shrinking under the moon
And there's not anything good
There's not anything right
We are all just standing, reaching up towards the light
'til we wither
And we fall in the middle of the night
When there's no one there to see us
And there's no one that despite
Our roots wrapped around each others
In and ancient sort of seal
I will push your leaves away
You'll keep pulling my thorns near
And I'll be scared
'Cause flowers only last a week or so in a vase if you take care of them well
And now the empty sheets I used to roll inside are made up and filled with the smell
Of something blooming and my wintertime is warm
In a way that I've never felt
And I know you'd say
If I think it I should say it
If I feel it I should do it either way
But I'm not good
And I'm not kind
I am very, very selfish
I keep it all to myself and
I am swaying in the breeze
Trying very hard to bend
But I am very, very weak
I am broken into pieces very, very easily
When I said that I would change I didn't know what that meant
I am a very young tree
My base is spreading out below about as fast as it can
But I am very, very slow
And the ground has not end
No direction I should go
I always thought that I was free but I was really just alone
And now

Our roots wrap around each other getting twisted in a loop
We are tangled
We are knotted
Pulling my thorns into you
It doesn't matter where I hide
It doesn't matter where I run
And there's no point in being here if I'm not reaching for the sun
'Cause I am

Feeling something new that I have never felt before
And even if I'm terrified at least it's better than ignoring
All this pestilence I hide
And If I'm rotted to the core at least I gave it all a try
At least I'm looking for the cure
And if you wrap me in your branches to protect me from the cold
For just a little bit of time
Then I'm ok with letting go of all the rotten roots I clung to
All the pain that I adored
And every time I see the light
I'm cutting off a little more
'Cause I am feeling some thing new that I have never felt before

(This is nothing at all like I thought it would be)