Billy Joe McGuffrey (Theatrical Version)

[Verse 1]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the first day of first grade, I'll tell you what he did
He tripped over a pencil box, flew up in the air
Landed on a kangaroo who pulled out all his hair

[Refrain 1]
First aid in the first grade
First aid in the first grade
First aid in the first grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 2]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the second day of second grade, I'll tell you what he did
He slipped on a banana peel, flew up in the sky
Landed on a chimpanzee who poked him in the eye

[Refrain 2]
First aid in the second grade
First aid in the second grade
First aid in the second grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 3]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the third day of third grade, I'll tell you what he did
He fell out of a fishing boat, splashed into the sea
Landed on a moray eel who bit him on the knee

[Refrain 3]
First aid in the third grade
First aid in the third grade
First aid in the third grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 4]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the fourth day of fourth grade, I'll tell you what he did
He went out on a tadpole hunt, slipped into the creek
Landed on a large-mouth bass who bit him on the cheek

[Refrain 4]
First aid in the fourth grade
First aid in the fourth grade
First aid in the fourth grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 5]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the fifth day of fifth grade, I'll tell you what he did
He went into the garden shop looking for a rose
Sniffed a baby's breath and got a bee caught up his nose

[Refrain 5]
First aid in the fifth grade
First aid in the fifth grade
First aid in the fifth grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 6]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the sixth day of sixth grade, I'll tell you what he did
He went out on a field trip, the first one of the year
Backed into a sabertooth and pierced both of his ears

[Refrain 6]
First aid in the sixth grade
First aid in the sixth grade
First aid in the sixth grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 7]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the seventh day of seventh grade, I'll tell you what he did
He tried out for the talent show to show how well he sung
Cracked a grin, a wasp flew in, and stung him on the tongue

[Refrain 7]
First aid in the seventh grade
First aid in the seventh grade
First aid in the seventh grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 8]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the eighth day of eighth grade, I'll tell you what he did
He tried to play some basketball went up for a dunk
Landed in the bushes and got squirted by a skunk

[Refrain 8]
First aid in the eighth grade
First aid in the eighth grade
First aid in the eighth grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 9]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the ninth day of ninth grade, I'll tell you what he did
He fed the pigs on grandma's farm, two piglets and a sow
Slipped on their slop and then got stepped on by a cow

[Refrain 9]
First aid in the ninth grade
First aid in the ninth grade
First aid in the ninth grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 10]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the tenth day of tenth grade, I'll tell you what he did
He went out on some water skis and hit a sunken log
Wiped out all the lily pads, got spit on by a frog

[Refrain 10]
First aid in the tenth grade
First aid in the tenth grade
First aid in the tenth grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 11]
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the eleventh day of eleventh grade, I'll tell you what he did
He swept and missed an alley cat while taking driver's ed
Ran into a tree and bumped the dashboard with his head

[Refrain 11]
First aid in the eleventh grade
First aid in the eleventh grade
First aid in the eleventh grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid

[Verse 12]
Now... Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the twelfth day of twelfth grade, I'll tell you what he did
He walked into financial aid, fell and broke a bone
Showed them all his bills and got a great big college loan

[Refrain 12]
First aid in the twelfth grade
First aid in the twelfth grade
First aid in the twelfth grade
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid
You could buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid!