All Men Are Created Equal; Leap Frog; My Brother Alice Was in the Navy

Somebody once said, "All men are created equal"—forget that. Some of them guys were ruined. Guy standing right next to me, I said, "Pardon me, pal, you ever been around Long Beach?" I said, "Gee whiz, if I was you I could rule the world." He said, "That ain't mine, it belongs to the guy behind me."
Then the doctors came in for the examination. One doctor walked over, he said, "Hey, bend over, I’ma look up your address." No way, thought I'd live. Then he leaned down, I thought he dropped his pen, but he didn't—he grabbed me. Remember that, fellas? He grabbed and said, "Cough." I said, "Cough? I can’t even breathe." He had a grip like Willie Mays and Mickey Mantle—in fact, I think he was a ball player. It was nuts back then, the '40s. And the doctors to have lunch, while they were gone, all us fellas start playing a little game to while away the time—maybe you played this game when you were a youngster. You know, you run and put your hand on one fella's back and, hop seat—leap frog, we were playing leap frog and they put me out the game—said I wasn't leaping high enough. And it was a midget in the game, and they put him out the game, too, going around sticking his nose in other folks' business. And Wilt the Stilt was there and they put him out the game, going around sticking his business in other folks' nose.
We passed our physical. Were you in the service, sir? (Yeah) What branch? (Navy) Navy? My brother Alice was in the Navy? He tripped on a water bucket and got his head caught in a porthole, made 2,748 dollars. I don't know how much he made on the outside. But, that's war—W-H-O-R—wait a minute. Never could spell—in school, I used to miss words like "posse"—but I was close. Three out of five ain’t bad. They had a lady sheriff in Texas, had the biggest posse America’s ever know, big mean looking posse. You've seen ’em, maybe you rode in one. The West was won with those type of people. The cowboy rolled into Tombstone territory in 1884, tied his horse outside the saloon, went inside and had 27 shots of Red Eye. He was drunk, and his friends saw how drunk he was, so they sneaked outside to play a little trick on him. They took the saddle off his horse and turned it around the other way. And they saw him the next night and said, "Slim, you got pretty drunk here last night." Slim said, "I sure did." He said, "You know, I went outside, found out somebody cut my horse's head off. He said, "The only way I could get him home was stick my finger in his windpipe."
Honey, if you gon' sit up front, you have to smile some. You pretty young rascal, you. Y'all married yet, brother, or just shackin’ around? I see you got your ring on. My old lady asked me for a ring. Said, "Foxx, when am I gon' get a ring?" I said, "Soon as I step out this tub, you can have that one."