Ah Peeked in duh Devil’s Secret Hell Files (’87 Version)

I peeked in the Devil's secret Hell files
And found a list with names a mile long
And saw you, and you, and you, and you
And you, and even you

Let me close my eyes
Please, don't make me watch Satan masturbate
He's a hungry clown and I don't want to see all his dirty deeds

Oh, why God?
Oh, why did those assholes at the employment agency get me this job cleaning up this office?
Oh, why? Somebody tell me already!
Was this the best they could do on such short notice?
Am I being punished for ovеreating and using too many cuss words?
Or is it for sounding too much like some palе, cheap imitation of Captain Beefheart?
Or am I too much like Frank Zappa?

Am I being punished for not cutting enough people off on the freeway
Or for answering my phone messages?
Oh, why God?
Oh, why did those assholes at the employment agency put me here where I don't belong?
When they could have gotten me a job selling hot dogs instead to idiots in Disneyland!
Were they afraid I'd prick the old ladies with my erection?
Could they have suspected that I might urinate through the cosmos at the top of Space Mountain?
Oh why, God?
Oh, why those assholes at the employment agency inform me earlier about the Hades dress code?
I would've worn my fat man's pajamas with the air condition vent in the rear

Zoogz Rift! Yo, Zoogz!
What are you doing here?
Wh- What? Uh, who was that? Who's there?
It is I, Zoogz Rift, it is I! Get a fuckin' job! [laughing]
It's you! It's you! How the fuck-...?
Wait a minute, this can't be w-... You're dead!
Be cool, dude! That's right, I'm dead!
I'm dead because you killed me, Zoogz Rift!
Because you and your slug musician friends picked me up and killed me, oh!
Oh, man! Don't I have enough problems?
What is it you want, o' grey spirit?
You want to complain to me that you're in Hell, I suppose
That you're dead, and have gone straight to fucking Hell for driving like a fucking idiot on the freeway?
Giving me the wrong change at Jack-in-the-Box?
Playing that heavy metal shit on your stereo at 3:30 in the morning when we're all trying to sleep?
[laughing] No, Zoogz Rift, no! [laughing]
Sending me junk mail trying to entice me to waste my money on boring inane magazines? ([laughing])
Charging me over a thousand dollars at the Chevron station for preventive maintenance while, all the while, deliberately destroying my car?
[laughing] No way, dude! [laughing]
For going through life talking like a blabbering, slobbering idiot?
Driving your van to the beach during spring break with a sign painted on the side that says, "Show us your tits"?
No! I said no!
Zoogz Rift, they didn't even hold it against me for being a booger at several Los Angeles rock clubs, or for getting all the pussy while guys like John Trubee were stuck with their shit jobs at the hardware stores
Well, then, what are you talking about then?
I'm in Heaven, Zoogz Rift!
That's right, you killed me and I went to Heaven!
Glorious, beautiful Heaven!
But you, Zoogz Rift, it's you that are in Hell! [laughing]
You fucked up! [laughing]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Yes! Yes! You're in Hell and now you'll burn! [laughing]
No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
We'll teach you to send back those Reader's Digest sweepstakes entries in a "no" envelope
Hey, Zoogz! Get a fucking job!
No! No! No! Oh, no!