Adventures in Light Distortion

[Open Int. Beach House]

(Garnet and Steven warp back onto the Crystal Temple Warp Pad, with Steven still traumatized back what happened in Korea.)

STEVEN: This can't be happening.

PEARL: Steven! You're back!

AMETHYST: Hey, Steve-O.

PEARL: We're so sorry about earlier-

STEVEN: Forget that! We have to catch up with her!

PEARL: What!?

AMETHYST: Who?

GARNET: Blue Diamond.

PEARL: Blue Diamond!? starts panicking O-O-On Earth!?

AMETHYST: Holy smokes! They're all coming out of the woodwork.

PEARL: Amethyst, turn into a chair. I-I need to sit down.

STEVEN: She took Dad! She alien-abducted him, and it's all my fault!

AMETHYST: She took Greg!?

PEARL: Our Greg?

AMETHYST: What other Greg is there!? How are we gonna get him back!?

STEVEN: What did she even want him for? To eat him!? T-to put him in a zoo!?

PEARL: Wait. That might be it.

STEVEN: gasps She's gonna eat him!?

PEARL: What? No. But there was a... No. No, it couldn't possibly still exist. Not since we-

GARNET: That's right! Pink Diamond's insidious human zoo.

STEVEN: What?

GARNET: During her reign on Earth, Pink Diamond stole humans from their families as trophies of her conquest.

AMETHYST: You gotta be kidding.

PEARL: Oh no. It was very serious. When I still served... glances away for a moment ...Homeworld, I saw it myself. A private menagerie deep in space. Humans in captivity. We were never able to rescue them. We had no way to get to them after the war. But, that was over 5,000 years ago.

AMETHYST: You really think Greg's there?

PEARL: Steven, Blue Diamond wanted him alive?

STEVEN: Yes! Yes! She liked him!

PEARL: I can't think of anywhere else she'd put him if she wanted to keep him, that is if the zoo's still there.

STEVEN: It's our only chance! But, how are we going to get there?

GARNET: With the Roaming Eye.

AMETHYST: The Ruby ship?

GARNET: That's right. We're going into space, and we're not coming back without Greg.

Trans. Ext. The Barn

(The Crystal Gems arrive at the barn, and Peridot is seen inspecting the interior of the Roaming Eye.)

PERIDOT: Let's see. Rear pulsar trackers are tracking pulsars. The atmosphere shield seems functional, but you're not going to need that in space, obviously.

GARNET: Well, make sure it is safe for Steven.

PERIDOT: He should be fine. But, I think I should go in and change the system preferences the Rubies set. How do you feel about green lights instead of red?

STEVEN: There's no time for that! If it works, then let's just do it already!

(Steven walks towards the barn while talking to Connie on his phone.)

STEVEN: Sorry, Connie, but we just can't wait. Dad's in trouble, and we need to go into space to get him back. There's no time. We're going right now. ...Just protect Beach City while we're gone.

PEARL: So, if I input the coordinates, it will take us right there?

PERIDOT: It's a little more complicated than that. These aren't your Era 1 light kites. You're gonna be pretty much bending reality if you turn on the gravity engine. Come to think of it, I should really change the Ruby preferences on that, too.

STEVEN: So what, so it's red! Come on! Come on! We gotta go! gets in the ship

PEARL: Rubies aside, will it fly?

PERIDOT: Short answer, yes.

AMETHYST: Okay, let's go! gets in the ship with Pearl

GARNET: Lapis, Peridot, stay here. You'll have to protect Beach City if something happens while we're gone.

(Lapis gives a thumbs-up.)

PERIDOT: You can count on us!

(Garnet gets into the ship, shutting the hatch, and the Roaming Eye begins flying into space. Pearl pilots the ship while Steven watches Earth shrink in distance.)

STEVEN: Don't worry, Dad. We're on our way. keeps gazing into space I hope you got to see some of this. There's enough out here for a whole album about the cosmos.

(Suddenly, the ship starts rumbling.)

PEARL: Space turbulence!

(The Roaming Eye encounters an asteroid field. Pearl begins skillfully piloting the ship around the incoming asteroids.)

GARNET: Sweet moves.

PEARL: Hold on.

(Pearl navigates the Roaming Eye until it exits the asteroid field.)

STEVEN: Alright. How much further till we get to- Uhh!

(Suddenly, Doc, still stuck in space, collides into the ship's windscreen, before rolling away. The ship then collides into Navy and Army, who are trying to grab each other's hands, and they roll away too.)

STEVEN: Sorry, Rubies.

GARNET: We should really do something about them.

STEVEN: We can pick them up on the way back. Dad comes first. How much longer till we get there?

PEARL: Well, at our current speed, we should be reaching the human zoo in... approximately seventy human years! Just in time for Greg's 110th anniversary of being alive.

STEVEN: Pearl, my dad's not healthy enough to live that long.

PEARL: Ehh... Do you think he'll be able to make it to 109?

GARNET: Before we left, Peridot did mention the gravity engine.

AMETHYST: Oh yeah. She said it bends reality.

PEARL: Oh, I'm sure she was exaggerating. It probably just alters the definition for speed by manipulating space-time, but what effect would that have on organic matter? It might flatten Steven's body into a pancake of skin and bones.

AMETHYST: Eww, bones are gross.

GARNET: You have bones in your bedroom.

AMETHYST: That's different. Those are my bones.

STEVEN: If being a pancake means saving my dad, then bring on the syrup!

(Steven slams his palm onto the control panel, activating the gravity engine. Steven screams as the ship speeds up drastically, causing him to black out.)

[Time-Skip]

(Steven lays unconscious next to the captain's seat, until the Gems starts calling out to him, waking him up.)

GARNET: Steven!

PEARL: Steven! Are you okay?

STEVEN: I'm fine. I-I think I just blacked out. Umm.. Are you guys okay?

(The activation of the gravity engine happens to flatten the Gems instead of Steven. Amethyst starts giggling at her peculiar appearance.)

GARNET: You tell me.

PEARL: Uhh... NO! We're NOT okay!

STEVEN: Uhh, why do you guys look like that?

GARNET: The gravity warp seems to be affecting our bodies.

AMETHYST: Please tell me this lasts forever.

PEARL: Our bodies are made of light, and usually, they form a mass dependent on the air pressure and the level of gravity in the environment. But we're in a situation, where the normal laws of physics don't apply.

AMETHYST: Who cares? It's funny.

PEARL: In what way is this funny!?

STEVEN: So, you guys aren't doing this on purpose? Can't you shapeshift back?

AMETHYST: Hold on. shapeshifts into Purple Puma, yet remaining the same height Huh, check it out. Puma cub.

GARNET: The ship seems to be putting out some kind of energy, keeping us in this shape.

STEVEN: ponders for a bit and turns to the control panel Oh, I know the problem.

PEARL: You do?

(Amethyst shapeshifts back to normal.)

STEVEN: Peridot said the ship was calibrated for Rubies. It must be making you all Ruby-sized.

(An imaginative projection of Ruby appears next to the Gems, indicating their heights relative to her.)

PEARL: Ugh! Why doesn't she tell us anything? This is why we don't listen to her.

STEVEN: Maybe I can change the settings.

(Steven turns the calibration like a slot machine. It stops at three bulky figures, and the Gems turn Quartz-sized.)

STEVEN: No.

(Steven turns the calibration again, stopping at three tiny figures. The Gems instantly shrink into Pebble-sized in mid-air and fall onto the floor.)

STEVEN: Nope.

(Steven turns the calibration again, stopping at three diamonds. The Gems quickly grow into Diamond-sized and hit their heads on the ceiling.)

STEVEN: Sorry!

GARNET: This isn't working.

(Amethyst starts snickering at the antics.)

PEARL: Try adjusting it manually.

(Steven taps on the screen to open the manual calibration menu, consisting of various symbols unknown to Steven.)

STEVEN: Woah! Umm... Maybe this one?

(Steven made a few manual adjustments, which causes the necks of the Gems to become long and unstable.)

STEVEN: Okay, so that does that. Uhh... Maybe this one.

(Steven made another manual adjustment, causing the limbs of the Gems to become long and unstable as well.)

STEVEN: Agh! Why is this so complicated!?

(Steven starts to tapping randomly at the calibration. The Gems momentarily return back to normal, before Garnet is flattened into a pancake and Pearl bloated up like a ball. Garnet and Amethyst chase after Pearl as she rolls away, when Amethyst grumbles in nausea and her body extends into a long sausage.)

AMETHYST: slithers up to Steven Hey, Steven! this is getting a little weird, even for me.

(Steven continues to tapping the calibration at random, until an large red "X" error message pops up.)

STEVEN: I think I found the off-switch!

(Steven slams his hands on the red "X" and everything turns into a red hue inside the ship. The Roaming Eye begins going into hyperdrive, forcing Steven back on his seat and the Gems onto the wall, seemingly retreated back into their gemstones.)

STEVEN: Guys! Wha- What did I do!?

(The Roaming Eye keeps accelerating into a ludicrous speed, creating visual wormholes in the fabric of space and overwhelming Steven.)

STEVEN: gasps* Amethyst!? Garnet!? Pearl!? Where are you!? *turns to see only the gemstones What happened? Are you cracked!? Uhh, Amethyst is usually back by now!

(The screen starts beeping and switches display, alerting Steven that the destination is approaching at an uncomfortable speed.)

STEVEN: Oh no. That's the zoo. Uhh, we're gonna smash right into it if we don't... slow... down!

(Steven struggles to move his arm from his seat, against the ludicrous speed of the ship, to reach the control panel.)

STEVEN: Gah! Come on, Steven. You can do it! I-it's okay! The Gems are gonna be fine! groans They gotta be fine! D-Dad's gonna be fine, too! Gah! I-It doesn't seem like it right now, but later, we're gonna laugh if I just stop the ship!

(Steven continues to reach his arm out to reach the control panel, but fails at the ship's ludicrous speed.)

STEVEN: breathing heavily* It isn't going to stop. There's no fixing this. It's all my fault! I rushed us! I pushed us into making stupid mistakes! *starts tearing up* It didn't have to be this way. I didn't have to not listen to Garnet. I didn't have to go to Korea. Dad! I didn't have to get you taken away forever by Blue Diamond. I- I wasn't trying to be selfish. I just wanted to know what was going on for myself, for once! *sobs* But now, I lost everyone... Dad! *sobbing desperately Dad! I want my dad! I just want my dad.

(Steven, collecting determination from his moment of weakness, reaches for the control panel again and succeeds in stopping the ship. The ship jolts a bit as the Gems phase through the wall, looking disoriented.)

STEVEN: panting and gasps* You're back! Where'd you go!? *hugs the Gems I was so worried!

PEARL: sighs I think in your attempt to fix our bodies, you may have accidentally shut off the calibration altogether. Our light-composed forms couldn't keep up with the ship moving faster than the speed of light.

STEVEN: So, you were just... lagging behind the ship... this whole time?

(Another imaginative projection appears above Steven, of the Gems' bodies stretched outside of the Roaming Eye.)

GARNET: Yeah. Don't worry about it too much. Amethyst liked it.

AMETHYST: I never thought I could stretch so far! Hah! I think I kind of phased through a planet. laughs in joy, but then notices Steven's tears Uhh... Yo, Stevie man. You heard Garnet. We're totally fine, dude.

STEVEN: I-I was pushing so hard, I... I just wanted to get Dad back so much, I-I almost wrecked the mission! This whole thing is my fault...

GARNET: Steven. You didn't kidnap Greg. Blue Diamond did.

AMETHYST: Woah. Do you guys see that?

(The Crystal Gems look out the windscreen, as the human zoo comes into view ahead of them.)

GARNET: What you did? You got us to the zoo.

STEVEN: Yeah?

GARNET: And seventy human years ahead of schedule.

STEVEN: I'll see you really soon, Dad. ...I hope.

[END]