Family Tree

Up my, my family tree
There hangs my curious pedigree
My long, my lurid ancestry
The prancing phantoms and ghosts of my rude forefathers.
Nevertheless despite their sins
Bless my kiths and bless my kins
There they all perch to see
Up my, up my family tree

Up my, my family tree
No blue blood, no nobility
No trace of aristocracy
Except for Uncle Sebastian, who once raped a duchess
Nevertheless despite their sins
Bless my kiths and bless my kins
There they perch for all to see
Up my, up my family tree

We've no ancestral halls
No haughty portraits on our walls
No family monuments at all
Unless it's my cousin Sheila's stupendous cleavage
Nevertheless despite their sins
Bless my kiths and bless my kins
There they perch for all to see
Up my, up my family tree

My great-great-uncle Sam
A very tranquil sort of man
Could not afford his wife a pram
He pushed his babies round the park in a green wheelbarrow
Nevertheless despite their sins
Bless my kiths and bless my kins
There they perch for all to see
Up my, up my family tree

My Uncle Will, my Auntie May
Were very much in love so they
Got married, after some delay
They dressed their kids up in white when they both went legal
Nevertheless despite their sins
Bless my kiths and bless my kins
There they perch for all to see
Up my, up my family tree

When brother Richard was thirteen
He was a Boy Scout, keen and clean
He got presented to the Queen
And then he went and spoiled it all when he offered her a Woodbine
Nevertheless despite their sins
Bless my kiths and bless my kins
There they perch for all to see
Up my, up my family tree

Let this be understood
That our family name is mud
Our sheep are black our cheques are dud
But we survive, we're alive, so it's up with the Thackrays
Nevertheless despite their sins
Bless my kiths and bless my kins
There they perch for all to see
Up my, up my, up my, my family tree