Nine Inch Will Please a Lady

Come tell me, dame
Come tell me, dame
My dame, come tell me truly
What length of tool
When used by rule
Will serve a woman duly?

The old dame clawed her wanton tail
Her wanton tail say ready
I learned a song in Annandale
Nine inch will please a lady

But for a country cage like mine
In sooth, we're not sae gentle
We'll take two thumb-widths to the nine
And that is a jolly pintle

Oh, blessings on my Charlie lad
I'll ne'er forget my Charlie
Two roaring handfuls and a good bit more
He nudged it in fu' rarely

But woe be to the lazy rump
And may it ne'er be thriving
It's not the length that makes me jump
But it's the double driving

Come nidge me, Tam
Come nodge me, Tam
Come nidge me, do it straight away
Come louse and free your batterin' ram
And bang him away at my gyvel
Nine inch will please a lady