Hello you lucky people, this is Freddie Blassie. Five time former world's heavyweight wrestling champion, who is very quiet and unassuming, and you well know. This is the greatest man, that ever stepped in the squared circle, because that's where we separate the men from the boys, and as you folks well know, I've done this many, many, many times - separate the men from the boys
I've proven to you, who is the man, who is the greatest, that is without a doubt Freddie Blassie
But uh, Mr. Blassie, what about the...
Just a minute, just a minute, you pencil neck geek. Don't interrupt me! Don't interrupt me, you geek, you! When the great Freddie Blassie's talking, I don't wanna have a little pencil neck geek like you come along, and interrupt me. Now, I know all these ding-a-lings out there wanna listen to me, they're all frustrated, they're trying to keep all their women back, they don't want no other women to listen to me. Because I can readily understand, why they all do a double take, when the great Freddie Blassie walks down the street. Because this is the first time they're seeing a great one in their town, and in their presence
And that's why I say: "All you gals come out tonight, when Freddie Blassie is wrestling in your hometown, come out and see God's gift to women!" You know, I should've been born triplets, because I've got more personality, more technique, more finesse, than one person should have! And that's why I say I should've been born triplets, because I can do anything a thousand times better, than anyone else - be it from the Artie Committee mayhem, to the art of wrestling, to the art of making love
In other words, I am the best! You understand that, you pencil neck geeks? That's the reason why you sit home, trying to have your woman turn off that TV, when Freddie Blassie comes on that idiot box. But that's what you are, you're an idiot by not letting your women come out! Come out and see Freddie Blassie! You can look, but don't touch. You know what I mean?
Like I said, I love to win, I've always been a winner. That's why I won the world's heavyweight five times. I said, if my own mother, my own grandmother stood in my line, path, of me to win a match - I'd punch either one on the nose, kick 'em both in the groin, STOMP ON 'EM, KICK THEIR TEETH OUT, and I'd say "YOU OLD BROAD, GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!" And I'd kick my grandmother for a field goal
I'm tellin' you, I hate a loser. That's the reason I've always been a winner. And that's why I say: "When you see Blassie, he's the best."
Where these other pencil neck geeks end, that's where I begin! That's right, that's why that say: I'm nice, and cool, calm and collected. But when a ding-a-ling comes in, and tries to interrupt me when I'm talkin' - that's when I get riled up! You people out there know I'm great, I know I'm great, so why should a ding-a-ling like this come in and interrupt me? Because you are...
Because, uh...
THERE HE GOES AGAIN! There he goes again! Listen, fella: you butter- better put your tail between your legs. You're gettin' me so excited now, I'm gettin' double twisted up. You know, I'd sooner be a king in Hell, than be a stooge in Heaven. That's always been my motto. I don't care how you win, just so you win! Because I love a winner, I hate a loser. And I hate these meaty-mouth guys, crying to the referee, saying that "Blassie's too rough, Blassie's too rough." If you can't stand it, don't get in a ring with me. Because I said many times, we separate the men from the boys in that squared circle! And as far as a referee - to me, he's nothin'. He's like the fifth post in the middle of the ring. They're all blind, none of 'em can count over two, they don't know the rules, they don't know anything! I am the fella, that broke every rule in the book. I am the fella, that wrote the book! And that's the reason why I know how to get by with all these illegal tactics, and that's the reason why I say: "No referee can ever touch- catch the great Freddie Blassie, doin' anything illegal in that ring."
And that's why all the women love me! That's the reason I'm surrounded by all these broads. What do you think I got these diamond rings on me from? In a...
Well, they're all...
THERE HE GOES AGAIN! GET THIS IDIOT OUTTA THE ROOM! GET HIM OUT OF THIS ROOM! Because if he don't leave, I guarantee ya, I'm gonna take this microphone and wrap it around his neck, and when I get through with him, they'll be calling him "Hildegard". I guarantee, his-his drawers are too tight, on his crotch! And he's got a funny voice! He talks like a woman, you know what I'm talking about? This guy, when he was born, his mother was happy, and his father was happy. Because his mother wanted a girl, and his father wanted a boy, and they were both happy the day he was born. You know what I'm talking about? In other words, he's... right on the borderline. Give him a little shove, and he'll go either way!
No Doubt About It was written by Freddie Blassie.
No Doubt About It was produced by Ronny Weiser & Martin Margulies.