Suicidal Tendencies

[Verse 1]
I lied under oath, I'm sorry to us both, I
Used it for pain for the murder I wrote
'Cause your love was too perfect, I couldn't write any songs about it
I swear depression changed my life and I'd be lost without it
I treat rapping like tellin' tales in the dark
And if I find the light then that'd be the end of my art
'Cause my best material came from feeling inferior
Your lil' brother goin' to chemo, should've been there with you
Instead I'm out in California, three hours younger
The floor covered in Swisher wrappers and empty rubbers
Skipping lunches, late suppers, recording demos
In a one bedroom apartment off Occidental
How selfish of me, I'm helpless honey
Sellin' a piece of my mind for extra money
Lovin' somebody ain't never felt this funny
I'm so ashamed, I can't explain
My creativity sucks, I can't write without pain

[Chorus]
Should I jump? Should I stay?
I think it's better that way, anyway
I think about you everyday
It's been a minute since I-
I've been feelin', I've been feelin' kinda wrong (For real, it's real)
(Yo) It's better that way-

[Verse 2]
Yo, maybe it's part of my karma
Maybe I shouldn't call her
Maybe it's not my fault, 'cause I'm the son of my father
We're good at makin' excuses when we feel guilty and bothered
10 AM in the morning, I'm havin' breakfast and vodka
Where my head at? Ain't no tellin'
Long as I'm hurtin' and writing about it, the record sellin'
Sacrifices, I know it so well
You was an angel to me, when I deserved Hell
Inside my head, this shit is so intense
My momma goin' to the doc, not saying how it went
While I'm in Cali just tryna get it to go
"This the year mom," I said that two Thanksgivings ago
I know, this shit drive me crazy, fighting depression daily
I'm tryna sign to Eminem 'cause all these niggas shady
I miss the days when it was fun hittin' the club with AG
Had them bottles goin' up
Girls I admired from afar started showin' love
Word in my city was "BZZY was gettin' up there"
Couple hatin' niggas tried to say I wasn't from there
But hate and love the same thing, just different perspective
I used to hit the office like I was switchin' electives
A lotta girls you niggas loved, just really my exes
I'm still in love with all of them, I'm really that selfish
Couple girls I used to write about went missin' on me
A couple married ball players and got different on me
Would you prefer to have had and lost to the never had it?
Everything seems so small from where I'm standin'

[Chorus]
Should I jump? Should I stay?
I think it's better that way, anyway
I think about you everyday
It's been a minute since I-
I've been feelin', I've been feelin' kinda wrong (For real, it's real)
It's better that way-

[Outro: Voicemail]
You haven't been yourself lately and we're worried about you
I went by your apartment today and your neighbors said they haven't seen you in a week
I know you've had a rough couple of months but you can't just shut yourself out from the world like this
It's not healthy
We just don't want you to hurt yourself