Your Goddamn Birthday

It’s your goddamn birthday
But I don’t wanna celebrate you
Maybe someday when you’re nicer
Maybe I’ll enjoy being with you

Imagine if we both had iPods – or maybe just one and we shared earbuds
You’d whine until you get to hear the group I don’t like
And then I’d whine because now I’m listening to a band I don’t like
But I’d put up with it for a little while
You’d eventually ask me what’s wrong and I’d emphatically say that I’m fine

Because it’s your goddamn birthday
But I don’t wanna celebrate you
Maybe someday when you’re nicer
Maybe I’ll enjoy being with you

Please stop calling me muggle
You say I can’t understand your love of Harry Potter
But he had as much impact on me as other things that don't exist like Jesus Christ
But something that was popular were the jerks who made high school hell for you
And that doesn’t make them right but listen, I gotta be real with you (in just a second)

You say you don’t have a victim complex and to drive that statement home
You took to social media to share a nine-point essay all about
All the things that your ex did to you and how you didn’t deserve that crap
Like when she said you had a victim complex and you broke up with her
Remember, you broke up with her, motherfucker

It’s your goddamn birthday
But I don’t wanna celebrate you
Maybe someday when you’re nicer
Maybe I’ll enjoy being with you
It’s your goddamn birthday
But I don’t wanna celebrate you
Maybe someday when you’re nicer
Maybe I’ll enjoy being with you