Your Friend Wil

[Verse 1: MC Frontalot]
Your friends, always honest with you, tell you the truth
They respond, on occasion, "You're behaving uncouthly
And had ought to clean up your act."
You've got one in particular, dispenses with tact
Says it plain to your face, his advice unimpeachable
Feel chastised? Any animal's teachable
Any goal's reachable. Let us embark
We declare; we declaim; we decry. We remark
That ethics and etiquette have yet to jump shark
(Dynamite strapped to them but yet to set spark)
With that in mind, employ each as it lingers
Keep the phrase in ready reach of your fingers
Lest you forget for a moment the edict
Trap agape, frozen; pull out and read it
Your friend consistently counsels the same
Urging all dickishness struck from the game

[Chorus: Mike Doughty]
Your friend Wil...
Your friend Wil
Your friend Wil declares
Your friend Wil declares: don't be a dick
Your friend Wil...
Your friend Wil
Your friend Wil declares
Your friend Wil declares: don't be a dick

[Verse 2: MC Frontalot]
How'd your friend get possession of the wisdom;
Once hooked the headset into wrong system
Listened? Heard what? Cock-a-doodle-dos
If you think it's involuntary, get disabused
It's you. You do or you don't, at your discretion
Your dickery's untamed? Practice repression
Act as direction suggests and desist
Your friends all insist. You come down to this:
Got one who warns he could get a little stabby
That'd be bad form, but he gets a little crabby
He's aptly the messenger, hardened of hide
(What if somebody wrote alt.you.die.die.die?)
If you'd see your adherence assured all the more so
Silkscreen what your friend said on your torso
Wear it out proudly, point and recite
Any dick walks by got to save versus contrite

[Chorus: Mike Doughty]
Your friend Wil...
Your friend Wil
Your friend Wil declares
Your friend Wil declares: don't be a dick
Your friend Wil...
Your friend Wil
Your friend Wil declares
Your friend Wil declares: don't be a dick

[Outro: Mike Doughty]
Your friend—friend says don't be a... don't be a dick
Your friend... don't be a dick
Your friend—friend—friend Wil says don't be a...
Don't—don't be a d—d—d—don't be a—
Don't be a—don't be a d—d—d—don't be a—
Don't be a—don't be a d—d—don't be a dick
Be a d—d—dick d—don't