I had a wife and dude ranch
Both were doin' fine
I loved those forty acres
And she was mine all mine
Last night you came to dinner
My wife was makin' stew
You made me lose my dumplin'
Now she ran off with you
Oh you stole my wife, you horsetheif
The wife that I used to adore
You stole my wife, you horsetheif
But don't bring her back anymore
At times her sweet voice sounded
Just like a lion's roar
She'd serenade mе nightly
With each and every snorе
Her features were uneven
Both cheeks were out of place
Her nose was really roman
It roamed all over her face
Oh you stole my wife, you horsetheif
The wife that I used to adore
You stole my wife, you horsetheif
But don't bring her back anymore
Oh please don't bring her back
Oh no don't bring her back
Oh please don't bring her back
Anymore