You’ll Only End Up Joining Them

Tonight I'm posed and popping like a peacock
I'm pressing flesh
I'm smiling big
My spinning head sings "stop, just stop."
'cause what used to calm me down just rips my life to ribbons now
So I keep smiling
I find my window and quick cut out

These days my hangman's hunger makes my gut kick
My sleeping mind could map it blind: a flask, a key, a bag, a fifth
I try to will myself away while shouting habits plead their case
So when the sun sears through my eyes
My beggar's brain can't compromise
I splash cold water
I draw the curtains
I stay inside

And I can't say that
It's a sickness
More like a stranger I ask in
And later realize was a strangler
Slipping nooses in my den
But I was lonely, so I asked him, "could you tie that one on me?"
It wasn't his fault. I was eager and I was weak

So as I inched towards resolution
Yeah, I'm not sure which life feels right
The narrow noose or the wading water
The hanging hex or open eyes
I know my brother, he went one way and at the fork I heard him say
"Don't you follow. don't go making my mistakes."
And I realized what he meant: don't kill yourself to raise the dead
It never works
You'll only end up joining them
It never works
You'll only end up joining them