Xmas Rap

[Kool Moe Dee]
Ho Ho Ho
Open up ya do'
I'm Santa Claus and guess what y'all
I got something to show
I came to bring some Christmas Spirit
I got a big bag now guess what's in it
Something for the rich and something for the po'
So Merry Christmas and ho ho ho

[L.A. Sunshine]
Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas my foot
I'ma tell you what Santa really put
Under my so-called tree but in reality
Looked like nothin but a decorated pole to me

[Special K]
Man, you talk about a tree it makes me wonder
'Cause I never had a tree to put anything under
If I ever did luck up and get a tree
There was never anything under it for me

[Kool Moe Dee]
Man, I don't know what y'all talking about
'Cause when I come to your town I just get chased out
I thought you'd be happy to see Santa Claus
But all you say is "Stick 'em up" and "Give me yours"

[L.A. Sunshine]
You're lucky all you did was get ripped off
And it's time you keep your big fat ass up north
Because after my last few Christmas nights
If I see you around my neighborhood I'm shooting on sight

[Special K]
And I ain't even got a chimney for you to come down
So ain't no need for you to be comin' around
'Cause the last so-called Santa that came in with a sack
Wasn't giving out presents, he was taking 'em back

[Kool Moe Dee]
Man, y'all should be glad that I didn't quit
'Cause I'm getting too old for this Santa Claus shit
Y'all think I'm getting presents made for free?
I gotta pay them elves and ain't nobody paying me

[L.A. Sunshine]
You big fat whale you might as well quit
'Cause I can name a hundred presents that I didn't get
And if I did get a present it'd be a hand-me-down
Yo, I got this for Christmas, now how that sound?

[Special K]
It sounds good to me cause I'm about to freeze
You wanna see something look at the bottom of these
Me and brothers can't go out at the same time
'Cause a coat that's theirs is a coat that's mine

[Kool Moe Dee]
Man I know one thing y'all better get off my neck
And wait till you get ya welfare check
Go on down to the office and stand on the line
Better hurry up, see I got mine

[Chorus]
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po'
And once you get your welfare check
Yo kiss my mistletoe!
Ho Ho Ho
Ho Ho Ho

[L.A. Sunshine]
That's why the presents keep getting mixed up
'Cause year after year you keep fucking up
And now I know why cause you always drunk
Instead of G.I. Joe you send me this junk

[Special K]
That ain't a G.I. Joe that's a G.I. jerk
With a kung fu grip that don't even work
So all I did was just put him away
'Cause my G.I. Joe looked G.I. gay

[Kool Moe Dee]
That's why you don't get presents now
'Cause you're just ingrates
If the G.I. Joe is gay what difference does it make?
After all he's just a doll, ain't too much he can do
If you ask me boy I ain't too sure about you

[Special K]
Yo, forget about that, what about these shoes?
Instead of Christmas carols, I'm singing the blues
Starin' at the clock, looking hard at the time
'Cause I just played the number combinated on the dot

[L.A. Sunshine]
I played two-thirty four, put a penny on seven
Combinated four-twelve and deleted eleven
Put my last five cents on three-fifty-six
And after all that I didn't hit shit

[Chorus]
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po'
And once you get your welfare check
You ain't playin' numbers no mo'
Ho Ho Ho, won't play 'em no mo'
Ho Ho Ho
Yeah, you got that right

[L.A. Sunshine]
Alright, listen bloato with your big fat suit
Next time say no, don't send no substitute
'Cause I asked you for a beatbox and you know what I got?
Dougie Fresh, you know, that kid from down the block

Dougie Fresh:(beatboxing)

[Special K]
For a facsimile we must admit
Dougie Fresh was good and made a perfect fit
He's the only reason why we weren't totally mad
Without Dougie our Christmas would've been really sad

[Chorus]
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po'
And once you get your welfare check
Even Dougie Fresh go gold
Ho Ho Ho, Dougie Fresh goes gold
Ho Ho Ho

[L.A. Sunshine]
To top Christmas off I had no lovin' in a while
I'd love to have sex but I can't afford a child
My girl wants a baby, but I have to chill
She said 'If you don't want a baby then you take the pill'

[L.A. Sunshine; Special K; both]
What is Christmas for?
What?
What is Christmas for?
What is Christmas for?
Yeah
What is Christmas for?

[Kool Moe Dee]
Wind-up toys that don't wind up
Talking dolls that don't shut up
This is the type of presents that you buy when you're poor
So that's what you have to settle for
And it ain't no secret that everything's sunny
If you're livin' in Palm Springs with all that money
America-nomics works, and I won't argue, that is true
But if the economy is getting better, getting better for who?
Well, if you ask me, I'm doing much worse than before
With the welfare cuts I don't eat no more
So if I did want to go out, I couldn't go nowhere
'Cause I ate every last one of them reindeer
Rudolph first, I went down the list
I got so hungry I just couldn't resist
I ate Dasher, Prancer, Dancer, Vixen
Fried 'em up and started to mix 'em
And before you knew it, they were all gone
I wonder what y'all gonna do about my reindeer song?

[Chorus]
You sing 'Silent Night', and 'Jingle Bells' and all those Christmas rhymes
'Cause nobody gives a shit about reindeer at hard times
You just Jingle, Jangle and hang out with the po'
And when you get your welfare check
You can buy reindeer by the score!

[Kool Moe Dee]
Well let's get Doug E. Fresh and Magnificent Force
And head on out the do'
And leave these party people singing
Jingle Jangle for the po'
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po'
Don't take us for granted, 'cause you may never know
One day when you least expect it, we can even up the sco'
So just Jingle and jangle and jingle with the po'
Sing!
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle Jangle with the po'
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po'
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle Jangle with the po'