​worse

Slipping deeper into myself
Slowly dwindling like my health
I know that one day I will break

I left home for a few days' time
Tried hard to fix my mind
But all that I could do was lay awake

And maybe it's the weather
Or maybe it's my selfish tendencies

But something about me right now
Just doesn't feel like who i used to be

So I'm sorry to my family
I'm sorry to my friends
I'm sorry to the people
With whom I can't make amends
I'm sorry for my past mistakes
I'm sorry for this curse
I'm sorry that I'm never getting better
And always getting worse

I feel so goddamn trapped
Stuck here on a sinking raft
And dreaming of the day it de-inflates

Death feels like an open door
And less now like a metaphor
That I use poetry to reinstate

And maybe it's the medicine
Or maybe it's the stupid fucking songs

But something always makes me feel
Like I've been doing everything wrong

And if this reads like a suicide note
Then I guess I got some good practice after all

'Cause I said some six years ago
That I would rather die than grow and fall

So I'm sorry to my family
I'm sorry to my friends
I'm sorry to the people
With whom I can't make amends
I'm sorry for my past mistakes
I'm sorry for this curse
I'm sorry that I'm never getting better
And always getting worse