Wino & Junkie

[Richard Pryor + Wino + Junkie]
Winos don't get drunk like everybody else, though, right?
Wino be directing traffic on Sunday morning
That was my favorite thing about the wino
'Cause I used to—I didn't wanna go to church, so I'd hang wit' him
Wino be standin'...

Hey, fool, you better slow that car down!
Goddamn, don't come driving down through there like you crazy!
This a neighborhood, this ain't no residential district!
Wah-ha-hahaha, Jesus on my mind
Yeah, nigga, I know Jesus!
Shit, I remember when the boy got killed, that's for real, man
It was on a Friday down at the railroad depot
I tried to warn the nigga
I said, "Boy, don't you go down there fuckin' with them Jews without no money!"
Hey, ice cream boy, you wanna turn that goddamn noise off?!
Don't nobody wanna hear that shit this time of morning!
Well, jump on out then, nigga, you bad!
I got somethin' for yo' ass!
I'm a veteran, boy! I was in World War I!
The battle of the Chateaubriand
I got mustard gas wounds all over my body! Wa-ha
Who's that boy? Goddamn it, look at that nigga
Look at him, in the middle of the street, junkie muthafucka, look at him
Nigga used to be a genius
I ain't lyin', booked the numbers, didn't need paper or a pencil
Now the nigga can't remember who he is
"Say, nigga, get yo' ass out the street, boy!" *whistles*
Move out the way, boy!

Ah...what's happenin'?! What's happenin'...
Shit, I know somethin' happenin' 'cause everything's movin', baby
Hey, Pop, come on, old muthafucka
I'll dust yo' ass off, baby! Pip, pip pip, haha, shit *whistles*
Hey, Pops, you got anything on Duke? Straighten me out, baby

Yeah, nigga, I got somethin' for yo' ass, got some advice
Better lay off that narcotic, nigga, that shit done made you null and void
I ain't lyin', boy, what's wrong wit' you?
Why don't you straighten up, get a job?

Get a job! Muthafucka, you talkin' to The Kid, baby!
Shit, I worked five years in a row when I was in the joint!
Pressin' them muthafuckin' license plates!
I'm a license plate pressin' muthafucka, too, baby!
Shit, where a nigga gon' get a job out here pressing license plates?!
Pop, nigga, listen to me!

Don't you hit me no more, boy!
I'll dust your ol' junkie ass off!
You know I will, nigga!
You alright to me, boy
I'm just ashamed to see you like this!

Ashamed to see me?
What about this shit out here?
Niggas is fuckin' with me, baby! *Pause*
Was I finished? I went to the Unemployment Bureau, baby
Bitch, sittin' behind the desk, ugly muthafucka!
Come tell me, talkin' 'bout, "You have a criminal record"
I said, "I know that, bitch! I'm a criminal!
Just tell where I'm gon' get a job, ugly bitch!
I seen a better faces on iodine bottle!"
Bitch made me mad, I vomited and shit on the floor
I did, man, then make that nigga with that pistol down there clean it up!
Nigga talkin' 'bout, "Clean up that vomit, muthafucka!" Hahahaha
I said, "Fuck you, nigga, I ain't cleanin' that shit up!"
He said, "You don't clean this shit up, I'll shoot yo' ass!"
I said, "Well, who gon' clean up the blood, nigga?" Hahaha
Went outside, man, I was cleaner than a broke dick dog, too, baby
Saw a bitch was so fine, woo...
Shot volts through my heart, baby, haha

Nigga, you wouldn't know a fine woman if you tripped over her!

This bitch was fine, Pop, I ain't lyin'
Bitch was so fine I wanted to suck her daddy's dick!
Shit, is that fine enough for yo' ass?!
I went home, my dear called me a dog—you dig that?
My father say he don't wanna see me in the vicinity
Just 'cause I stole his television
That's the politics, baby
I'm sick, Pops, wonderin' can you help me
My mind's thinkin' about shit I don't wanna think about
I can't stop the muthafucka, baby
Movin' too fast for The Kid
Tell me some of that old lies of yours
And make me stop thinkin' about the truth
Would you help me?

Yeah, I'm gon' help ya, boy
'Cause I believe you got potential
That's right, you don't know how to deal with the white man
That's yo' problem
I know how to deal with him, that's right
That's why I'm in the position I'm in today

Thank you very much, good night

[Cheers and applause]