I Hope I’m Funny

[Announcer]
Let's get your hands together
And give him a big San Francisco round of applause
Mr. Richard Pryor, come on, give it up

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you, thank you, good evening
Hope I'm funny
Yeah, 'cause I know niggas ready to kick ass
Talkin' 'bout, "You better be funny, muthafucka"
Hello
Wow, this is very exciting, very exciting
I'm glad y'all came
Came? Yeah, glad y'all come to the show
What?! Don't start no shit now
Niggas be startin' a fight and shit in the club
Pull out a pistol and shit, clear everything out
Niggas never get burned up in buildings
They know how to get out of a muthafuckin' situation
They do, white folks just panic, run to the door, fall all over each other, dribblin' down and shit
Niggas get outside then argue
"I left my money in the muthafucka!"
Why am I walking? I'm running to keep outta y'alls way
I be movin' and shit, make my mind work
Feets, and feet—you know, tight shoes make a nigga say anything
You ever been like—if you had tight shoes on, tight shoes is a muthafucka, brother
They don't need to beat up no nigga down in jail to make him confess
Give him a size too small
'Bout an hour, that nigga'll be, "I'll tell!"
I used to be really so poor, I'd walk down the street
You ever do that, look for money? And pretendin' like you ain't
I used to lose money
I lost some money once, man, I lost money, man
My mother gave me money to go pay a light bill, I lost ten dollars
And panicked, 'cause I know mama's gon' kick my ass
You know what I mean, that ten dollars, jack
And I walked up and this white dude saw me crying on the corner
And said, "What's wrong with you, boy?"
I told him my story, cat gave me ten dollars
I said, "What, gave me ten bucks?"
Shit, I was out there every day, crying my ass off
How you doin'? Good, good—did you want a drink?
Uh, waitress, waitress—no, see, the waitresses are working as fast as they can
But see, you niggas have funny orders
"Uh, give me a Cutty and a orange juice, and a Coke on the side
No, wait, change that, give me two—what you want, baby?
Make my old lady a champagne cocktail with a cherry twist
Piece of lemon, piece of lemon—ayy, bitch, I wasn't through!
Piece of lemon and some turtle soup!"