Why Can’t Every City Be Portland?

Why can't every city be Portland
Whey can't everywhere be like here
It's the place that I like
All the folks unicycle
They're carrying bottles of beer

Why can't every city be PDX
Where we're not unemployed; we've got our own projects
We're keepin' it weird
And every guy with a beard
Has a few pairs of horn-rimmed specs

It's not our original home sweet home
But we do like the Romans
'cause we're sort of in Rome
We bike in the lane
Treating cars with disdain
And pretend we don't know that it always rains

Why can't every city be Portland
Where the irony is big as our trees
It's no longer intriguin'
That everyone's vegan
And nobody owns a TV

Why can't every space be Portlandia's place
Where even the lawyers are pierced on their face
Where we'll all DIY
Till the day that we die
And we live at a comfortable pace

It's not our original home sweet home
But we do like the Romans
'cause we're sort of in Rome
You've got kombucha, we'll try it
If it's on Craigslist, we'll buy it
And if you find a new neighborhood, we'll gentrify it

Why can't every city be Portland
Where we don't know how lucky we are
We buy booze without tax
And we hop on the MAX
For a cheap ride down to the bar

Why can't every old stone be this temperate zone
Where our future as grown-ups is sort of postponed
We might move to L.A
Or Seattle someday
But first we have to pay off our student loans