Where No Fan Has Gone Before

TITLE SEQUENCE

In the establishing shot, Star Trek-like music plays and the Planet Express ship flies through space with the trademark warp nacelles featured in Star Trek attached to it.

SHATNER: (Narrating) Shatner's log, airdate, unknown.

CUT TO: SHIPS CARGO BAY

The room has been converted to resemble a courtroom. Zapp Brannigan is judge and Bender and Leela sit with the heads in jars of William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, George Takei, Walter Koenig, DeForest Kelley and Nichelle Nichols.

SHATNER: The impossible has happened. (The camera pans from left to right showing Nichols, Takei, Leela, Koenig, Nimoy, Bender, Shatner, and Kelley in that respective order.) It would take days to recount the events I have witnessed. So, settle in. It all began—

The camera cuts to Zapp.

ZAPP: Quiet, you! This court martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Brannigan residing. Bring in the accused.

The camera cuts to Kif wheeling in Fry in a wheelchair. Fry looks paralyzed.

The camera cuts to Nimoy, Shatner, and Kelley gasping.

The camera cuts to Takei.

TAKEI: Oh, my!

The camera cuts to a wide shot of Zapp with now Fry, who is in a wheelchair, and Kif before him.

ZAPP: Philip J. Fry, you stand accused of travelling to the forbidden planet, Omega 3, (The camera cuts to Zapp) a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges?

The camera cuts to Kif as he leans over Fry's shoulder.

KIF: One beep for "yes", two beeps for "no".

Fry beeps once.

The camera cuts back to Zapp

ZAPP: "Yes". So noted. Do you plead guilty?

The camera cuts back to Fry and Kif. Fry beeps twice. The camera then cuts back to Zapp.

ZAPP: Double "yes". Guilty! (Zapp stands before tugging downward on his uniform.) I will now carry out the Sentence. Kif, my gun.

The camera cuts to Leela sitting next to Nichols, Nimoy, and Koenig.

Leela stands.

LEELA: Wait! He pled "not guilty".

The camera cuts back to Zapp who is now standing.

ZAPP: Order! (He taps a bell.) Order in the court! (The camera cuts to a back shot of Zapp showing the rest of the court room, and then Zapp sits back down.) Very well then, Mr. Fry. (The camera cuts back to Zapp.) Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

The camera cuts to Fry.

Fry beeps in Morse code.

The camera fades into a wide shot of New New York.

CUT TO: EXT. RENT-A-WRECK VIDEO

LEELA: The Professor said he was taking a—

CUT TO: INT. RENT-A-WRECK VIDEO

Fry, Leela, Bender and Zoidberg look at the videos on the shelves.

LEELA: Brief nap, so we only have time for six movies.

The camera cuts to Bender.

Bender scoops up some videos.

BENDER: Let's take these six Jim Carrey movies and record over them.

The camera cuts to Fry.

FRY: You know what movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!

The camera cuts to Leela and Zoidberg.

The camera cuts to a wide shot of the interior of the store.

The staff gasp, a camera zooms in on Fry and other customers panic.

The camera cuts to the Clerk who has three customers in line.

CLERK: (Shouting) Everybody hit the deck!

Everybody falls to the floor.

The camera cuts a wide shot of the interior of the store with Fry the only one remand standing.

LEELA: (Whispering) Shh! Those words are forbidden!

The camera cuts to a back shot of Fry, who is standing, and Leela, who is lying on the floor.

FRY: What words? Star Trek?

The camera cuts to an klaxon alarm.

A klaxon goes off and a red light flashes.

The camera cuts to Leela and Zoidberd lying on the floor.

LEELA: Shh!

ZOIDBERG: Shut your gills!

A siren is heard from outside.

The camera pans up and Bender peeks around a shelf.

BENDER: That sound! It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

The camera cuts to Leela, Fry, and Zoidberg.

Leela and Zoidberg grab Fry, The camera cuts to Bender, they stuff him in Bender's chest cabinet.

CUT TO: EXT. RENT-A-WRECK VIDEO

Leela, Bender and Zoidberg leave as Smitty and URL pull up and run into the shop without noticing them.

The scene fades back to Ships Cargo Bay.

Fry continues to beep.

The camera cuts to Zapp and Kif.

ZAPP: The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words from someone with a sexily seductive voice.

The camera cuts to Nichols.

Nichols tries to speak but is interrupted.

The camera pans out to show Takei.

TAKEI: With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.

The camera cuts to Zapp.

ZAPP: You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans?

The camera cuts to Nichols.

NICHOLS: No, that was the Star Wars trek. (Some mechanical hands come out of her jar, pick up a video tape and the camera pans out as she puts it in the VCR.) By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom—

CUT TO: EXT. CHURCH OF TREK

NICHOLS: Had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems—

CUT TO: INT. CHURCH OF TREK

NICHOLS: Into a full-blown religion.

On the screen, a service is held at the Church of Trek.

The camera cuts to the priest.

PRIEST: And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship where they would be no Tribble at all.

The camera cuts to the Congregation.

CONGREGATION: All power to the engines.

CUT TO: BRANDENBURG GATE

A crowd of people stand at the foot of the Brandenburg Gate waiting in anticipation.

NICHOLS: As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. (In Berlin a sign is unveiled saying "Welcome To Nazi Planet Episode Land. Formerly Germany".) (The camera cuts to a volcano.) And so the Trekkies were executed in the manner most befitting virgins.

(On the rim of a volcano two men throw Trekkies into the flames.)

MAN: He's dead, Jim! (They throw another in.) He's dead, Jim! (Another.) He's dead, Jim!

The camera cuts to a torpedo full of Star Trek media.

NICHOLS: Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

A spaceship shoots off the torpedo full of Star Trek media.

TAKEI: The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies were dumped on the forbidden world, Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

As he speaks, a ship that looks like an Eagle from Space: 1999 fires the torpedo. It hits the planet like Spock's coffin in Star Trek: The Wrath Of Khan. The video ends.

NIMOY: Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

BENDER: Another classic science-fiction show cancelled before its time.

Zapp tuts.

ZAPP: I've never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness.

KIF: Bender the robot, please take the stand.

Fry steps out of the wheelchair, perfectly healthy.

Fry: She's all yours, buddy!

Bender gets in.

BENDER: I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good.

ZAPP: Please use the beeps.

Bender grumbles and complies.

The scene fades to the Head Museum.

Fry runs into the 20th century room.

FRY: Mr. Nimoy, I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

NIMOY: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

A camera tracks Fry but he ignores it.

FRY: You know. 1966? 79 episodes, about 30 good ones.

NIMOY: Oh, really, I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry—

FRY: Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

NIMOY: No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one man show about Vincent van Spock—Uh, uh, I mean van Gogh! Damn!

FRY: Aha! You can't escape it!

NIMOY: (Crying) Oh, you're right, I can't.

FRY: Uh, jeez, don't get upset. I mean, OK, I outwitted you, but—

NIMOY: (Crying) No, it's my fellow cast members. 300 years ago they left Earth behind.

The scene fades to a launch pad.

CUT TO: EXT. LAUNCH PAD

Star Trek cast members' heads in jars are loaded into a rocket.

SHATNER: This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard.

NIMOY: Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.

SHATNER: Very well, my friend.

His jar is loaded into the rocket and it blasts off, leaving Nimoy behind.

The scene fades back to the Head Museum

NIMOY: (Crying) Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

FRY: I'm literally angry with rage! Your co-stars may be gone but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see. Come on!

NIMOY: Oh!

(He grabs Nimoy's jar from the shelf, tucks it under his arm and runs out. Jonathan Frakes's jar hops forward.)

FRAKES: Yes! Front row!

CUT TO: EXT. OF PLANET EXPRESS

CUT TO: INT. OF PLANET EXPRESS

The scene shows the Planet Express Ship in the hanger.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP COCKPIT

LEELA: You can't go to Omega 3; it's forbidden! I forbid you!

FRY: But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future.

LEELA: But it's set 800 years in the past!

BENDER: Yeah, why is this so important to you?

FRY: 'Cause it-it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it made me feel like maybe I did.

LEELA: Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone.

BENDER: I'll go too, with Leonard's permission, of course.

Nimoy nods.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

CUT TO: INT. SHIP COCKPIT

LEELA: We're entering the Omega system.

An alarm goes off.

COMPUTER VOICE: Warning: You are now in forbidden space.

BENDER: Forbidden shmer-shmidden! What are they gonna do, write a letter? (Sacrastic) Ooh, I'm so scared!

The ship shakes and another alarms goes off.

LEELA: I've lost control of the ship!

Bender panics.

CUT TO: OMEGA 3 SURFACE

The ship hits the surface, flips over and lands upside-down. The crew get out, Fry carrying Nimoy. Bender lights a cigar and Leela gasps.

FRY: Oh, dip!

NIMOY: Dip, indeed!

They look around in amazement.

The camera pans to show Star Trek props and sets everywhere.

The camera cuts to Fry holding Nimoy.

FRY: It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

NIMOY: So many cardboard sets, so many memories. If only the others—

SHATNER: I guess that's my cue.

The camera cuts to Shatner. He steps out of the "Guardian of Forever" prop.

NIMOY: Bill!

SHATNER: L-Dog!

NIMOY: (Laughing) Hey! This is wonderful!

SHATNER: Oh, man.

NIMOY: I feel like hugging you.

SHATNER: Well I would except you have no body! Nimoy laughs. And we're both men.

Nichelle Nichols steps out, also with a body. She is followed by the other actors.

NIMOY: Nichelle! George! Walter! DeForest! (A token redshirt steps out.) Welshie!

FRY: Welshie?

NICHOLS: We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200's but the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodelling.

TAKEI: Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant in our escapades.

Welshie says something in Welsh.

FRY: I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

SHATNER: We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

KOENIG: When we woke up, we had these bodies.

FRY: Say it in Russian!

Koenig sighs.

KOENIG: Ven vee voke up vee had these wodies.

Fry squeals.

FRY: Now say "nuclear wessels"!

KOENIG: No!

TAKEI: You'll love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs!

He rips his shirt revealing his body.

BENDER: Yowza!

LEELA: But who's doing all this for you?

SHATNER: You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities—we're used to this sort of treatment.

A deep, booming voice interrupts them.

MELLLVAR: It is I!

Everyone gasps and looks up. Above them is a hovering, green cloud.

BENDER: Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

MELLLVAR: I am not an effect! You doubt my power?

BENDER: I do.

Melllvar zaps Welshie with a bolt of lightning and he falls over.

WELSHIE: (Shouting) Aye!

Fry runs to him and holds him.

FRY: (Screaming) Welshie!

Fades to black

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

CUT TO: SHIPS CARGO BAY

ZAPP: This court will now hear some very sensual testimony from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela.

The camera cuts to an over the shoulder shot of Zapp showing Leela in the Wheelchair that Fry and Bender were in before.

LEELA: Go (beep) yourself.

She beeps.

CUT TO: OMEGA 3 SURFACE

MELLLVAR: Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier.

Melllvar floats over Nimoy's jar and gives him a body and a blue uniform.

NIMOY: Hey, a body! Buff, tan. Yeah, this is mine, alright!

FRY: Alright, you gas, what's the deal?

MELLLVAR: Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew rained down upon my planet. Over and over, I watched them. Especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the tapes, knower of the episodes! Tremble before my encyclopaedic knowledge of Star Trek!

FRY: Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me!

MELLLVAR: I beg to differ. (He zaps Welshie again) Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last, we can begin.

The camera pans out to show a banner that Melllvar created saying "Welcome To Trekfest 3002" hanging from a prop.

FRY: Cool! A Star Trek convention!

NIMOY: Uh, Melllvar, can you give us some idea of how long this is going to last?

MELLLVAR: Until time stops.

LEELA: What?

SHATNER: He can't do this!

NIMOY: You can't be serious!

MELLLVAR: Now, we have a full schedule of events—

BENDER: Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave?

KOENIG: Good question!

MELLLVAR: No, you have to stay even longer.

Bender and Koenig groan.

The camera cuts to the actors, who are sitting at a long table for autographs. Nimoy snores. Melllvar and Fry stand in line. Fry who is behind Melllvar is visibly nervous.

MELLLVAR: Um, uh, sign it to Melllvar. "Melllvar" has three "L's".

TAKEI: I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell "Melllvar".

The camera cut to the Star Trek cast and Melllvar stand in front of a backdrop having their photo taken by Bender.

BENDER: Say "nerd"!

ALL: Nerd!

The camera cuts to Shatner on a stage.

SHATNER: (Spoken) I'm Slim Shady,
Yes, I'm the real Shady,
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating,
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up.

KOENIG: How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?

MELLLVAR: He found a way.

The camera cut to Leela, Fry, and Melllvar on a stage standing behind podiums. They are playing "Ambassador Sarek's Trivia Challenge" with Leela as question master. Fry has 500 points and Melllvar has 300.

LEELA: For one hundred quatloos: Who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha V?

The camera cuts to the Star Trek crew who are sitting in two rows of chairs.

Shatner leaps from his seat

SHATNER: (Shouting) Khaaan!

Fry buzzes.

FRY: Uh... Khan?

LEELA: Correct.

Fry's score goes up to 600.

MELLLVAR: My button has broken. The trivia contest has ended. I-I now have a surprise. (The camera cuts to Melllvar flying to the Star trek cast who are sitting in two rows of chairs) You will perform a fan script, written by the ultimate Trek fan.

FRY: You have my fan script?

MELLLVAR: I meant me! Melllvar is the ultimate fan!

FRY: (Smugly) Oh, I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

Melllvar growls.

MELLLVAR: Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! (The Star Trek cast pick up scripts one by one) We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share.

Takei reluctantly shares.

The camera cuts to Leela and Bender standing in front of Fry on the stage.

LEELA: Uh, you probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

MELLLVAR: That's right! The ending must not be ruined.

LEELA: We'll go wait in the ship.

MELLLVAR: Ok.

FRY: Not 'til I get my 600 quatloos!

Leela and Bender grab Fry and pull him away.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

The ship flies away from Omega 3.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP COCKPIT

FRY: This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there.

BENDER: I dunno, I'm feeling pretty good about it.

LEELA: I didn't wanna leave them either, Fry, but what are we supposed to do?

FRY: Well, usually on the show someone would come up with a complicated plan then explain it with a simple analogy.

LEELA: Hmm. If we can re-route engine power through the primary weapons and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.

Bender: Like putting too much air in a balloon!

FRY: Of course! It's so simple!

The camera cuts to outside the ship as the ship takes a U-turn back towards the planet.

CUT TO: OMEGA 3 SURFACE

The cast are on the set of the Enterprise Bridge rehearsing with their scripts.

SHATNER: (Reading) Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled. (He slumps back in his chair and rolls his head.) Oh, Lord!

NIMOY: (Reading) Fascinating, Captain, and logical too, that we need some help.

TAKEI: (Reading) Look, Captain, Melllvar will help us.

He turns around and points to the door. It eventually opens and Melllvar floats through.

KOENIG: (Reading) Keptin, I wope he will welp our… vessel.

MELLLVAR: Wessel! (Koenig shudders.) You're not acting hard enough!

NIMOY: Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV I got a magnificent performance out of Bill because I respected him so much.

SHATNER: And when I directed Star Trek V I got a magnificent performance out of me, because I respected me so much!

The other actors roll their eyes.

CUT TO: ORBIT OF OMGEA 3

The Planet Express Ship is currently in a stable orbit of Omega 3.

The camera cuts to Bender, who is inside the ships Jeffries Tube, welding.

BENDER: (Shouting) Ok! I'm done re-kafoobling the energy motron, or whatever.

The camera cuts to the ship's cockpit.

LEELA: Fire!

She pauses then presses the "FIRE!" button on the control panel herself.

From the bottom of the front of the ship range phaser beams diverge towards the planets surface.

CUT TO: OMGEA 3 SURFACE

The fan script performance continues.

NICHOLS: (Reading) My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you. (The orange beams converge on Melllvar and he screams.) Hey, you wrote it!

Melllvar grows and the actors step backwards.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

The ship shakes.

CUT TO: SHIPS COCKPIT

The console that Fry is seated in front of explodes

Around the ship smoke comes out of machinery and sparks fly.

LEELA: It's not working! He's drawing straight from our weapons.

FRY: Like a balloon and something bad happens.

The camera cuts to a shot of Omega 3 from orbit as Melllvar grows into a giant green hand as he reaches for the ship.

The camera cuts back into the cockpit.

Fry and Leela scream.

The camera cuts to outside the ship as it backs away but the hand pulls it down to the planet surface.

CUT TO: OMEGA 3 SURFACE

The ship crashes and the engine falls off. The crew crawl out from underneath.

BENDER: Yup!

Melllvar and the Star Trek crew are nearby.

LEELA: So, uh, how's rehearsal going?

MELLLVAR: Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

NIMOY: Hey! We've done heroic things too.

NICHOLS: Yeah! In the third season I kissed Shatner!

MELLLVAR: Silence! My whole world has turned upside-down. I have but one option.

KOENIG: Keep them and let us go?

MELLLVAR: No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion I shall pit you together against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Everyone gasps.

BENDER: Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

MELLLVAR: Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77.

FRY: Great list. Except, you forgot episode 66!

Fry laughs mockingly.

MELLLVAR: I was getting to that one!

Melllvar zaps Welshie's corpse and it explodes.

Fades to black.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

The Planet Express Ship flies off screen.

CUT TO: SHIPS CARGO BAY

ZAPP: So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived.

Leela sighs.

LEELA: Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired!

The camera pans down to show that the beeping is activated by a pedal.

Fade to: Omega 3 Surface.

CUT TO: EXT. OMEGA 3 SURFACE

The Star Trek cast and Leela, Fry, and Bender are standing below Melllvar looking up at him as he speaks.

MELLLVAR: This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons: Whatever you can find. But I warn you, do nothing until I have signaled the start of combat. OK, start.

The Star Trek cast and Planet Express crew look at each other for a moment and run off in different directions.

The camera cuts to the Star Trek cast hiding behind a covered wagon on a Western set. A tumbleweed blows by.

The camera cuts behind the wagon.

The Star Trek cast is peaking around the wagon however Shatner is preoccupied ripping his shirt.

KOENIG: I don't have much experience at fighting—except with you guys.

SHATNER: I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy?

NIMOY: You mean Doohan?

They both laugh and high-five.

SHATNER: Whoever it was, I did it like this.

He takes a boot off and throws it at Takei's face.

TAKEI: Ow!

Shatner hops on one foot.

SHATNER: My foot's cold!

The camera cuts to Leela and Fry by the "Guardian of Forever" prop, Leela drops a pile of sticks next to Fry.

LEELA: There. We can make these into spears.

FRY: And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows.

BENDER: And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! (He pulls out a Tommy gun from behind a rock and expends the entire round. Fry and Leela glare at him and he chuckles.) That was fun!

The camera cuts to the Star Trek crew on a rock face. The actors separate. Shatner, Nichols and Takei remain. Shatner holds a bamboo stick.

NICHOLS: What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?

SHATNER: Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop!

TAKEI: I find that offensive. Just because I'm of Japanese ancestry you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I've studied karate?

SHATNER: Well, no, but you never talk about yourself.

TAKEI: (Sad) Maybe if you showed a little interest.

The camera cuts to Fry, holding a bow and arrow, and Bender on the same rock face.

FRY: Well, here goes nothing.

He tries to fire the arrow but the bow breaks and the caterpillars crawl all over his face.

FRY: (Screaming) Ah!

He falls over. Nichols appears from behind some rocks and does the fan dance.

NICHOLS: (Sexually) Hello, boys!

BENDER: Whoa!

Bender using he's eyes zoom in, causing his eyes to grow in length.

Takei sneaks up behind him and chops him on the shoulder.

TAKEI: Hi-yah!

Bender screams. On a cliff, Leela and Shatner edge their way around a rock, facing opposite directions. They bump into each other and turn around. Leela screams and Shatner gasps.

SHATNER: There's no right way to hit a woman.

LEELA: Then do it the wrong way.

SHATNER: Fine. Yah!

He kicks her and knocks her down. She gets back up.

LEELA: Is that all you've got? Hi-yah!

She does a roundhouse on him and hits him in the eye. He groans and raises his fists, ready to hit her.

SHATNER: See you in h—

Leela hits him in the face. He hits back and she dodges his punch and kicks him in the chest. He flies back and hits the ground. She jumps on him and repeatedly hits him in the face.

The camera cuts to a air shot of Fry as fights DeForest Kelley while Bender takes on Nimoy, Koenig and Takei.

The camera cut to a close up of Fry and DeForest fighting, Fry lands a punch and so does DeForest, before Fry tackles him to the ground.

The camera cuts to Bender as he punches away Nimoy. Koenig and Takei approach him from the front.

BENDER: Come on, Walter!

NIMOY: Take that!

Nimoy hits Bender with a stick. Fry pushes Kelley away and Nichols cartwheels onto him, yelling. She locks his head between her thighs and pulls his hair.

FRY: It hurts!

NIMOY: Let's see if this actually works! (He tries to do the Vulcan neck pinch on Bender but it doesn't work.) Hm. (Bender punches him, grabs his legs and swings him around, whacking the others in the face.) Ow! Ow! Ow!

KOENIG: My face!

TAKEI: Ow! My face too!

The camera cuts back Shatner and Leela on the cliff. Shatner and Leela are both down. Shatner gets up and offers her his hand.

SHATNER: May I? (Leela grabs him and throws him over her head.) Oh!

She picks up a rock and holds it over him.

The camera cuts to Melllvar watching everyone fight from a distance.

MELLLVAR: Excellent! Excellent!

Shatner holds out his hand.

SHATNER: Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?

The camera cuts back to Melllvar where A bigger pink energy cloud wearing glasses appears next to Melllvar.

Melllvar's Mother: Melllvar! Dinner time!

MELLLVAR: Aw, but Mom, I'm playing with my collectables!

MELLLVAR'S MOTHER: Now!

Melllvar groans and disappears.

The camera cuts to Fry.

FRY: All this time we thought he was a powerful super-being, yet he was just a child.

MELLLVAR'S MOTHER: He's not a child, he's 34!

She disappears.

BENDER: Alright, Koenig, I've wanted to do this for years!

He grabs him by his shirt and holds up his fist. Fry grabs his arm.

FRY: Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape, before Melllvar comes back. But we all need to work together.

They run onto the cliff and find Leela and Shatner making out. Shatner rubs Leela's back.

SHATNER: I love you so much!

Nimoy clears his throat.

NIMOY: Hello?

They both look up.

FRY: We've decided to work together.

NIMOY: Uh, so did they.

Shatner gets up and elbows Nimoy.

SHATNER: Now, how do we escape?

Leela stands up and pulls her shirt back down.

LEELA: We can't use our ship; we have life support but the engines are wrecked.

TAKEI: Ironic, because our engines work but our life support systems don't.

LEELA: Hey, if your (She points her finger at Takei) engines work—

TAKEI: And your (He points at Leela) life support systems work—

FRY: Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! (He raises his hands in frustration and then lowers them) Think,(He grabs his chin and then he balls his fist and shakes them) Fry, think! Everyone's depending on you.

CUT TO: EXT. SHIP

Takei and Leela finish welding warp nacelles onto the hull of the Planet Express ship.

Takei turns toward Leela giving her a thumbs up and Leela give him one back.

The ship takes off but stalls and falls.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP'S COCKPIT

LEELA: We're too heavy. You guys need to lose some weight, fast!

CUT TO: OMGEA 3 SURFACE

The side door of the ship opens and the decapitated bodies of the Star Trek cast are thrown out.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP COCKPIT

The actors' heads are in jars. Fry wheels in the video case.

FRY: Look, Leonard, we're light enough to keep the tapes! Isn't that great?

NIMOY: I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

The ship flies away from the planet.

CUT TO: INT. SHIPS COCKPIT

The Star Trek cast has returned to being head in jars.

FRY: We did it!

Everyone cheers.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

Behind the ship, another ship de-cloaks. There is the sound of Melllvar laughing and the ship shoots at the Planet Express ship.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP'S COCKPIT

Everyone screams.

The camera cuts to Fry who is watching Melllvars Ship.

FRY: Melllvar's got a spaceship!

Melllvar appears on the monitor in front of Fry.

MELLLVAR: Yes, in mint condition. And you made me take it out of the package!

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

Melllvar shoots at them some more and the ship makes evasive maneuvers.

The ship approaches a much bigger ship.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP'S COCKPIT

LEELA: The Nimbus! We're saved!

A screen comes down from above Leela's head.

ZAPP: (On screen) You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded.

CUT TO: INT SHIP'S CARGO BAY

ZAPP: So I boarded you, eh? What happened next?

LEELA: You started this stupid court martial. Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar!

She exits the wheelchair.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

Melllvar strafes around the Planet Express Ship while shooting at it.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP'S COCKPIT

Zapp, Leela, Fry, and Bender run into the cockpit.

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

Leela turns the ship around, back the way they came. Melllvar follows, shooting more.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP'S COCKPIT

Everyone falls over after the ship is hit with more shots from Melllvar's ship.

LEELA: One more hit and we're done for!

TAKEI: Let's take 'em out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like "destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3—"

Bender's head explodes, leaving some wires, coils and his mouth poking out of his body.

BENDER: Thanks a lot, Takei, now everybody knows!

A screen falls down over Leela showing Melllvar.

MELLLVAR: (On screen) If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die!

FRY: Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you wanna kill them?

MELLLVAR: (On screen) Because I, I, I dunno what I'd do without them.

FRY: Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig: After Star Trek, he became an actor.

KOENIG: Not just an actor, but a well-rounded person, with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

MELLLVAR: (On screen) Well, I guess I could move out of my parents' basement, maybe get a temp job.

FRY: Whoa, whoa! (He raises his hand as if he means to stop someone) One step at a time.

MELLLVAR: (On screen) I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality I could have called you "friend".

FRY: Episode 10, Balance of Terror.

MELLLVAR: (On screen) More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

Melllvar turns his ship around and flies away, laughing.

CUT TO: INT. SHIP'S COCKPIT

Everyone watches him return to the planet.

SHATNER: I wonder, my friends, was he really such an evil energy gas?

NICHOLS: He did give us eternal youth.

KOENIG: 24-hour Laundromat.

TAKEI: A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular.

NIMOY: Truly, it was a paradise.

FRY: And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

The heads all look at each other

SHATNER: Let's get the hell outta here!

CUT TO: EXT. SPACE

The ship flies out of frame then the camera pans left to show the ship fly into deep space.

END CREDITS