What Kind of Bear Am I?

You ask me, what kind of bear am I?
I hardly know myself, but I suppose I’ll try
To tell you what kind of bear am I:

They took me from the woods when I was small
Played the music, made me dance on the hot, hot, hot coal
They said I almost sounded human when I’d bleat and cry
And you ask me, what kind of bear am I?
You ask me, what kind of bear am I?

I graduated with a master’s in humanity
From the Smorgon Bear Academy
Then my master and I, we traveled here and there
Every prince and peasant loves a jaunty dancing bear
But I’m not so jaunty now, so I suppose I see why
You ask me, what kind of bear am I?

I ate my master one day and my freedom I gained
With a knife and a fork, just as I had been trained
I had to use a knife and fork just like people do
My master’d pulled all my teeth out, it made him difficult to chew
I passed…
I passed the checkpoints in disguise, using clippers and hair dye
And you ask me, what kind of bear am I?

So now I work the tavern and we share every coin
It pays for the necessities, I can’t complain
I couldn’t live now in the woods, even if I had the chance
I serve the drinks, hear the music and I try not to dance
But sometimes I just can’t stop myself no matter how I try
And you ask me, what kind of bear am I?
Why don’t you tell me, what kind of bear am I?