What If?

What if I bake you a coconut cake?
With lots of nuts, the kind that you hate?
What if I threw your car keys in the lake?

What if I made you cry?
What if I told you lies?

What if I took you to the edge?
What if I pushed you off a ledge?
What if I scratched all your Sister Sledge?

What if I made you cry?
What if I tell you lies?
Would you still love me?

What if I made you get me a Tab?
And made you pay for all of the cabs?
What if I gave you all of my crabs?

What if I laughed when you cried?
Then said it was all just a lie?

Would you still love me?

What if I had PMS all my life?
And told you "You look just like Barney Fife"?
What if I twisted it in like a knife?

Until it made you cry?
Until it made you lie?

Would you still love me?
Would you still love me?

(...we don’t need to have a band here tonight. You afraid you won’t be heard? Everybody can hear your fuckin’ clams out there. You don’t need a mike for that. You’re takin’ up too much fuckin’ time blowin’ what? Shit!!)