Vulnerable

Everyday is a constant struggle
Battling these dark thoughts in my head
Wondering why I feel so despaired
These emotions make me feel unprepared
I'm always trying to stay positive
I'm always trying to keep functioning
But I'm only human and that's why
I keep mentioning me and my suffering
I wish that I could ignore the pain
And the hurt that I'm feeling
If only life worked out that way
It would be my great escape
No need to confront my shame
I don't know why I'm feeling this way
I am my worst enemy
When it comes to loving myself
When it comes to nourishing myself
Always hating on who I am
Always comparing myself
To those that are better than me
To those that have worked so effortlessly
To elevate themselves indefinitely
I know that I'm not a failure
I know that I'm not worthless
But sometimes that's just how I feel
I don't know why I let my emotions
Become such a big ordeal
Am I stupid to say that I don't
Always know how to feel
Let alone deal with the tribulations of life
You told me to open up
Not comfortable with my integrity
Not ready to open up and confess to
The conflicts that are raging in my heart
The emotional warfare that is constantly blocking my path

I wish it was easy
To block out my emotions
And not constantly feel
Like I'm so weak-minded
Just cus I'm being real with my feelings
Why do I always have to be open
It's a sure way of getting wounded
I wish that I wasn't so emotional
It's just a part of who I am
Sometimes I wish that I could be more guarded
That way I'd protect myself
And maybe that would help
To feel better about myself
I can't escape from this negativity
Drowning my positive energy
But I mustn't give up
Cus where I am is not where I'm meant to be

Sometimes I wish that I could be a different person
And not be so in tune with my own emotions
Wouldn't that be welcome
Too often I think about my doubts and my insecurities
I know that every human has their flaws
But I hate mine with every part of me
I'm so scared to open up sometimes
Because the truth can be used against me
People that I've trusted have used it as a weapon to get back at me
Then I feel so embarrassed and angry for letting it get to me
I'm so hard on myself that I forget about reality
Always looking out to please people
That mean so much to me
When really I should be looking out for me
Just need to take my time to realign myself
In order to be where I'm meant to be
And see that I'm the best version of me
Sometimes that's easier said than done you see
You only see what you want to see
When I'm feeling low
All I see is a damaged guy with a meek mind
And a heart that is too parched, knocked apart
Too shocked that it can't even restart
And I'm left wondering
Am I too broken
Because I've been so open
My heart is swollen
Maybe that's why I feel so hopeless

I wish it was easy
To block out my emotions
And not constantly feel
Like I'm so weak-minded
Just cus I'm being real with my feelings
Why do I always have to be open
It's a sure way of getting wounded
I wish that I wasn't so emotional
It's just a part of who I am
Sometimes I wish that I could be more guarded
That way I'd protect myself
And maybe that would help
To feel better about myself
I can't escape from this negativity
Drowning my positive energy
But I mustn't give up
Cus where I am is not where I'm meant to be