Voicemails from the Hotline

[Skit: Various Callers]
I'm so lost in the sauce
I can't stop grooving
My wife has left me
I can't stop spending money on rare disco cuts
Please help, please! Plea-

I have a problem: I am a disco fiend
And I cannot get enough
I don't know what to do to solve it
But… I don't know if I really wanna stop it, either

The, um, addiction I have to disco is insatiable
And I don't know what to do!

I need the funk

I don't really know what the signs of Discoholism are
I don't know if I need to talk to a doctor about this
So if you know any doctors, help me out

We've been trying to reach you concerning your car's extended warranty

Yeah, if you could gimme a call back
Y'know, I'm really on thе edge herе
I'm boutta put on the boogie shoes
Peace