Turning 30 Was an Eye Opener

[Intro]
I'm back to writing lists again
Trying not to think about my neck or wrists again
Trying not to think of anything
Trying not to think of you
Believe me, I wish that I could

[Verse]
I wish you would talk
I wish I could shut up
Wish that we could find a way to go back to a time way before
Every bite tasted this bitter
Before I got tired of wishing
Before you got bored
And before I started writing

Another few thousand words to let you know that I’m not doing fine
And I somehow still don't think I'll be a couple more teeth down the line
Because most of one half of my family is dead
Now I’m dead to most of the other half
And you keep shining hope through the crack in the door
Then whenever I get close you slam it shut
And turning 30 really opened my eyes to the fact
That I'm firmly stuck in a brand new rut
And I know it'd be easier to give in to hate
Just like it'd be easier to give up and die
Recently it's become a choice between the two
And I can't figure out why

[Outro]
So now it's caffeine to get through the day
Sleeping pills to shut down
Then painkillers for the migraine
Day in, day out, week after week
Repeat