Today Was Garbage

Can’t take it, constantly deflated
I don’t find joy in the things I call favorite
I don't see myself in the mirror, I think it's tainted
I get frustrated at things that ain't even related
Tell myself it’s what I deserve
It’s all lies
I box myself in, I’m closed, I draw lines
Looking at the other side of progression
Feels like I am weapon
Tell myself it’s not a sign of depression
No, this is natural
Trying not to cry when I’m at work and in the bathroom
They look for me to smile, because I've always just been that dude
The happiness inside was taken from me like a vacuum
People who don’t know are just ready to attack you
Co-worker that talked about me in the open
Crazy cause the two of us have never spoken
I pray for whatever problems have caused you to
Talk away from my face
And maybe it’s cause you’re broken
But it’s breaking down my focus
I’ve been losing my confidence, that’s what I’ve noticed
Why’s it dark when I’m sitting here with my eyes open?
If I’m supposed to feel supported, why I don’t know it?
This a new definition of sittin' sideways
Haven't talked to The Father in 25 days
And it all feels better the moment I pray
But lately I've been struggling in my faith

I'm probably my own worst critic
Self doubt levels are most likely near acidic
Verbal abuse coming from my own mouth and breath
It goes out and then it comes back 'round to visit

I'm disappointed in myself
Looking for an alternate method, hoping it might help
Working through the problems and all the issues that I've felt
Suddenly reminded of the tools that mama told me keep in my belt

Gotta be the
Person that the world wanna see from me
I look in the mirror and I try to convince the man
Savor every moment that I store in the camera roll
Maybe that’s the reason why I post it on Instagram
Maybe all the likes and the comments
All the follows in common
When I’m down at the bottom will tell me I ain’t forgotten
When songs ain't playing, when my name isn't poppin'
Truth be told, it's never gonna solve the problem
'Cause it's artificial

Came home to a house that I know
Came home to a spouse that I know
Came home to a couch that I know
Came home to the doubts that I know

Today was garbage