To Thine Own Self

[NIGEL]
Nick, just read it. I really think I'm onto something here

[NICK]
I am reading ... and where's the omelette?

[NIGEL]
There is no omelette

[NICK]
What do you mean there's no omelette? There has to be an Omelette. It's called Omelette!

[NIGEL]
Ugghh ...
Are you hearing yourself?

[NICK]
What?

[NIGEL]
Nick, are you hearing yourself?

[NICK]
Yes

[NIGEL]
I can't believe we're having a conversation
About a story that has to be all about eggs

[NICK]
So?

[NIGEL]
Eggs??

[NICK]
Yes

[NIGEL]
What is it with you and these eggs?

[NICK]
You just have to trust me
I know what I'm doing

[NIGEL]
I think that you're out of your mind
If you think that pursuing that is a good thing

[NICK]
Well, I do

[NIGEL]
Okay, well I don't

[PETER QUINCE]
Read him this part - it's beautiful

[NIGEL]
Doesn't matter. He won't listen

[SHAKESPEARE (AS TOBY)]
I should really take these before this turns ugly

[FRANCIS FLUTE]
Just read him what you wrote

[NICK]
What the hell are they talking about?

[NIGEL]
You asked me to write something. Well, here it is!

[Chorus: NIGEL]
Sure as the day follows the night
Sure as the sky turns to blue
This much I know, this much is true
Above all else in whatever you do

[NIGEL/TROUPE]
To thine own self be true

[NICK]
That's it?

[TOM SNOUT]
It's beautiful!

[FRANCIS FLUTE]
It's like - good line and good advice!

[SHAKESPEARE (AS TOBY)]
I don't know. I thought the whole breakfast theme was really strong. Everyone loves breakfast!

[NICK]
Exactly! But there's no Danish, there's no ham, there's no breakfast at all! You're completely ignoring the theme!

[NIGEL]
I'm ignoring the "breakfast theme" because it's ridiculous!

[NICK]
Are you hearing yourself?

[NIGEL]
Nick ...

[NICK]
I said - are you hearing yourself?

[NIGEL]
Yes!

[NICK]
I can't believe you're trying to change direction cause
You've decided that my ideas are wrong

[NIGEL]
Please ...

[NICK]
I'm wrong
But this "true to yourself" thing is right?

[NIGEL]
That's not just a line it's what I believe

[NICK]
Then you are a fool and really naïve -
If you think - it's as simple as that

[NIGEL]
Well, I do

[NICK]
Okay, well I don't

[NIGEL]
Ugh

[TROUPE]
So what do we do ...?

[NIGEL]
This is hopeless. I don't know how to get through to you!

[TROUPE]
So what do we do ...?

[NIGEL]
Nick - the fact that you think that Omelette is good? It worries me!

[TROUPE]
So what do we do
What do we do
What do we do ...

[NIGEL]
Guys? Can you help me out here!?

[FRANCIS FLUTE]
You really should listen, Nick. It just makes your heart wanna soar!

[Chorus: TROUPE]
Sure as the day follows the night
Sure as the sky turns to blue
This much I know, this much is true
Above all else in whatever you do
To thine own self be true

[NICK]
You want some truth? Here's the truth -
"Omelette" will be known as perhaps the single greatest play ever written!

[NIGEL]
How can you possibly know that??

[NICK]
I just do!

[TROUPE]
So what do we do ...?

[NICK]
It will be talked about for generations to come

[TROUPE]
So what do we do ...?

[NICK]
We need a hit - not some audience-repelling
Death-play about your descent into madness!

[TROUPE]
So what do we do
What do we do

[NIGEL]
This descent into madness? - That's you!

[TROUPE]
What do we do - oooooh

[NIGEL]
Nick - I mean it. Whatever happened to the guy who inspired me to become a writer?

[NICK]
He finally has a great idea! Now, we open in
A week. Are you gonna help me write Omelette
Or not?

[NIGEL]
No

[NICK]
No??

[NIGEL]
No - I can't. It doesn't feel right. And deep down
I think it doesn't feel right to you either

[TROUPE]
So what do we do ...?

[NICK]
I'll tell you what we do ...

[TROUPE]
So what do we do ...?

[NICK]
We serve up what they're hungry for!

[TROUPE]
So what do we do ...?

[NICK]
OMELETTE - THE MUSICAL!

[TROUPE]
So what do we do ...?

[NICK]
We're on our way to glory
We'll play for kings and queens
And there and then they'll see
The end will justify the means

[TROUPE]
The end will justify the means
Sure as the day follows the night

[NICK]
Surely we must see this through

[TROUPE]
Okay, if you say so

[NICK]
Damned if I don't

[TROUPE]
Don't!

[NICK]
Damned if I do!

[TROUPE]
Do!

[NICK]
Damn it, I don't have the luxury to
Hang all my hope
On some simplistic trope
Like to thine own self be true

[TROUPE]
To thine own self be true

[ROBIN]
Oh God, I hope what he's saying is true

[TROUPE]
Please be true, please be true, please be true ...